The Decision

      The exuberance has worn off long ago, the thrill of the hunt soundly closed for now. The events with Jackal, Dove, Silver, and Timothy have concluded with Lord Lagosi’s death and Lady Calla’s uprising. Burrowgatory is once more the den of sin and overindulgence, possibly now with a few more wary individuals perusing the streets, but nevertheless, no one is cooped up inside their homes any longer.

      Lillith still can’t believe that they had fallen so easily. Taken in their investigation by Lagosi, turned into one of his mindless spawn with nothing but bloodlust on their mind. After they were once more brought to the land of the living, their mind aches with the knowledge of what they have done. Yet, the nagging feeling of something more tugs at their thoughts. There’s something that has yet to be discovered waiting for them, somewhere. They only need to search for it.

      “Lillith, are you still with me?”

      Lillith sighs, their ever-present smile faltering for a moment. This was what, the fiftieth time they’ve ruminated on this? They turn to Mercy, sitting behind their desk, eyebrows askew with concern.

      “Yes, Minister Mercy.”

      “You were thinking about it again, weren’t you?”

      Lillith smiles at Mercy but doesn’t say a word. Mercy purses their lips.

      “Lillith, you’ve done great service for the Church. Maybe it’s time we give you something in return.”

      “Minister Mercy, Murmur has given me a warm bed, hot meals, and a renewed purpose in life. What more could I ask for?”

      Mercy studies Lillith’s face. A waver in their dark eyes betrays Lillith’s inner monologue, and they curl their fingers into fists in their lap.

      “I think it’s time for you to have a chat with Oleander about his experiences. I still feel… remorseful that you weren’t fully clued into the plan, and you were harmed because of it.” Mercy’s gaze looks to the painting on the wall depicting Murmur, arms open and ushering buns to his side. “If you’re given some clarity, perhaps your mind will finally be able to rest.”

      Lillith unclenches their hands and their shoulders relax.

      “Thank you, Minister Mercy. I look forward to being well informed.” Lillith stands up from the chair in front of Mercy’s desk and then bows to the clergybun. Mercy nods.

      “Tell Oleander that I gave you my blessing to understand. He’ll know.”

      Lillith grins again, their fangs on full display as Mercy gives a curt wave before turning back to the paperwork on their desk. Lillith closes the door silently and walks swiftly up the hall and to the left, coming to Oleander’s office. They knock three times and a muffled “come in” greets them as they turn the knob. Oleander appears to be dressing himself in his usual robes and accessories, his rosary dangling from his neck. Lillith tries to catch a peek for any fang marks, but Oleander straightens before gesturing to the plush chair in front of his desk. Lillith nods, and sits down at full attention.

      “Father Oleander, I seek your counsel regarding a particular matter. Minister Mercy feels as though you have the knowledge I seek to attain.”

      Oleander’s signature sleazy smile spreads across his rosy cheeks, and he settles down into his own plush chair. “Please Lillith, surely the formalities aren’t needed between us?”

      Lillith smiles. “Yes, Oleander.”

      The priest leans forward. “It must be something out of Mercy’s wheelhouse if they’re telling you of all buns to ask me, whereas you shadow them like… well, a shadow.”

      Lillith nods. “It’s concerning the post-All Sinners Day incident. Mercy has given me their blessing to learn more.”

      Oleander’s disposition changes. Eyes clouding with worry, he frowns and leans forward, resting his chin on his hands raised underneath his head. “Oh. Lord Lagosi.” Lillith nods again. “I… well, I suppose enough time has passed to inform you of the finer points, not like there’s many of those left. And if Mercy’s given their okay, then…” Oleander sighs and his hands leave him to rifle underneath the desk. A bottle of red wine and two wine glasses appear from below, as he fills both glasses. Lillith politely the drink, as Oleander shrugs and downs the first glass in one gulp.

      “Are you… wanting to know more about Lagosi’s death? Or what happened after?”

      “I’d like to know how it felt, for you. To be… turned.”

      Oleander winces slightly. “If I recall, you were turned as well, weren’t you?”

      Lillith nods once more. “I… understand Timothy became of help to you, is that right?”

      Oleander sighs. “He seemed to be much more put together than I was.”

      “What did it feel like? For you, I mean.”

      The wine swirls in Oleander’s glass, a mere mockery of the sanguine liquid that once graced his throat mere months ago.

      “It felt… I was, so hungry. A gnawing sort of feeling. Emptiness. Mind-melting, emptiness. As if a void had grown within my chest that threatened to rupture and swallow the world as I know it whole. I couldn’t satiate it, I needed to hunt, to find fresh prey. This sort of predatory instinct was frightening. The demons want us to indulge, but this? This wasn’t a sin, this was uninhibited brutality.”

      Both dolls are quiet for a moment as they let Oleander’s words hang heavy in the air.

      “Do you remember feeling anything else?”

      Oleander gives Lillith a long look, seemingly weighing the options of revealing his experiences versus leaving the other doll in ignorance for the foreseeable future. He takes a long swig straight from the wine bottle and wipes his lips.

      “Don’t let what I’m about to say influence your thoughts one way or the other Lillith. As a devoted disciple of the Church, you above all else should ask Murmur for guidance.” Lillith nods slowly and their eyebrows furrow into a look of concern.

      Oleander continues. “You’re familiar with sports? Wrestling, long-distance running, swimming, that sort of thing.”

      Lillith nods again, tilting their head. “Yes, but—“

      “—‘what’s that got to do with it?’, you’re wondering? All of those activities require vast amounts of calories and fuel to really go past our physical limits.” Oleander pauses. “Imagine that amplified by a power beyond our understanding. You wouldn’t just be hungry, would you? You’d be ravenous, with a hunger that cannot be sated. That’s why we felt so empty, because in that situation, no power in Hell would be enough to calm us. Our bodies, coursing with power that we not only don’t understand, but that we cannot possibly become acclimated to, as a vampire spawn at least.”

      Oleander pours himself another glass of wine and takes a long sip, letting Lillith digest the moment. Everything the priest was saying made perfect sense somehow, based on what Lillith themself experienced. The overwhelming need to feed masked all other sensation, but surely there was some form of otherworldly power coursing through their veins at that time? If vampire spawn were so weak, then why have them at all? Lord Lagosi had an entire armyof spawn after all.

      By the time Lillith thinks through everything, Oleander has cleaned out the remainder of the wine, smacking his lips as his eyes drift in and out of focus. Lillith smiles warmly at him.

      “Thank you for informing me of your experiences, Oleander. I truly appreciate it.” They stand and bow, turning to exit the office.

      “Wait.” Oleander says. “D…on’t make any poor decisions, Lillith. I trust that Murmur will… guide your h…and.”

      Lillith nods. “Of course. Everything I do is in service of the Church, I would never fail you.”

      Oleander’s smile is crooked, his head tilting downward slightly. “Pleaaase send Mercy in if you would… I could use their, assistance now with uh… something.”

      “Absolutely.”

      Lillith leaves the door open on their way back down the hall. They knock at Mercy’s door and peek their head in, watching Mercy look up from the paperwork they were going through.

      “Oleander has requested your presence in his office, Minister Mercy.”

      Mercy sighs, the paperwork clearly being something of importance that they’re once again being dragged away from. “Thank you Lillith. I trust he was able to fill you in about what happened.”

      Lillith nods.

      “Good.” Mercy stands up from their chair and dusts their dress off. “Hopefully this will set your mind at ease about whatever worries you had from those events.”

      “It’s given me something to reflect on, yes.”

      Mercy gives Lillith a long look as they turn off their office light and shut the door, both dolls now in the hallway. “I’ll support whatever decision you come to. But Lillith,” Mercy grabs Lillith’s wrist, “please consider who relies on you here. Who your choices affect.” Mercy looks down. “I… I need my top inquisitor to be here, for me— for the Church.” Mercy lets go of Lillith’s wrist and walks towards Oleander’s office. They close the door behind them, and Lillith can hear Oleander’s slurred purring drift into the hallway. Lillith stands a moment before heading towards the living quarters of the Church.

      The cost of their mortality, with bloodlust ever present, for more power than they have currently… honestly, the decision is a no-brainer. They’re not big on food, the potential to “harm” someone is eclipsed by, well, their own job as an inquisitor. And the ability to live, well… “live” forever… their line of work isn’t totally safe by any means. A transformation of this nature will no doubt one-up their sister Mikayla for their guardian… yes, surely this is the right call.

      As Lillith slinks away to make preparations for their new calling, a different sort of smile creeps onto their face. One of determination, grit, and malice. Lillith isn’t a bun to be trifled with, and this sort of power is exactly the boost they need. Soon, they’ll all understand the vision of white that creeps past the corners of their eyes at night, and know that the Church of Sulfur sends its regards.