Bad Religion

It took a while, but Silvanus finally psyched himself up to visit the Church of Sulfur. The main church building was lovely, with a warm brick exterior and tall stained-glass windows that glimmered in the afternoon light. A courtyard with a well-groomed garden welcomed approaching guests; right now, though, buns were streaming out the wooden double doors into the afternoon, chatting as they went. Silvanus stepped aside to let the crowd pass him, taking in the snatches of conversation that he overheard.

“Oleander was so-”

“-think so, but I don’t really-”

“-always happy to-”

“-but anyway, she said-”

In ones and twos and even larger groups, they passed him by without Silvanus ever hearing the true subject or conclusion of their conversations. Finally the passing crowd became a slower trickle of stragglers, and eventually the courtyard was clear once again. Few of them had paid him any mind, though he had gotten a curious or oddly knowing glance here and there. He could hardly be the first cherubun who had paid a visit to the church and started off said visit by loitering awkwardly outside, Silvanus reflected.

With the crowd dispersed and going their separate ways back into town, the church doors remained standing open. The interior was invitingly sheltered and empty; from outside, Silvanus could see shafts of colored light streaming in through the stained glass windows that marked the walls, unevenly illuminating the pews and other fixtures within. Once it seemed that he had seen all that there was to see around the exterior of the church, Silvanus finally entered.

His footsteps echoed slightly in the emptied-out church, sounding unevenly as he slowly made his way in and paused every now and again to take in the details of the building. It wasn’t as ostentatious inside as he would have first suspected, but the furniture and decorations were well-crafted and lovingly cared for, clearly high quality. The window designs depicted various demonic figures, dressed lavishly and arranged in exalted positions; they weren’t nearly as threatening as the depictions of demons Silvanus recalled from Melangel’s teachings. Rather, they looked comforting, looking down on the area where buns would gather to worship them like they were regarding the would-be congregation with pride.

Movement near the altar at the front of the church caught Silvanus’s eye, and he realized that there was someone else still there. A bun wearing the distinctive habit of a church nun was milling about, seemingly tending to something up front. Perhaps Silvanus made a noise of surprise at noticing them without realizing it, or the nun simply felt his eyes on them, and they turned sharply to look at him.

“...Hi,” Silvanus said, awkwardly raising one arm in greeting.

“Good afternoon,” the nun said shortly, before seemingly taking a moment to regain their composure. They stepped away from the altar, leaving behind a wooden box with the symbol for sulfur emblazoned on it - some sort of offering box? They folded their hands primly in front of them as they left the altar and approached Silvanus. When they spoke again, their tone was more even. “I’m afraid that today’s service has already ended, but if you’re here seeking personal counsel, Father Oleander or another one of the priests can see you.”

“Ah- no, I’m just looking around,” Silvanus said. It was impossible to discuss the Church of Sulfur without at least hearing about Father Oleander. The good priest had enough of a reputation that Silvanus was quite confident that he wasn’t up to handling him just yet. Or perhaps ever. “Sorry to bother you.”

“It’s no bother at all,” the nun said, in a light tone that made it impossible to read whether that was true or not. “My name is Mercy, and I’m the head nun here. Is there anything that I can help you with?”

Put on the spot, Silvanus took a moment to mull the question over with more serious consideration than Mercy may have meant him to give it. “I suppose I’m just… curious,” he said.

“Curious,” Mercy repeated. “About our practices at the church, or the demons like Lord Murmur? You’re not the first. Have a seat, and I can explain the basics.”

Silvanus obediently took a seat in the nearest pew. It seemed like this was a spiel Mercy had given before, perhaps many times to cherubuns and stray succubuns alike. He had really only meant to take a look around the church, but hearing an explanation of the Church of Sulfur’s demon worship was an appealing idea. On the surface, it seemed obvious that the veneration of sin espoused by the church would have been the complete opposite of what the cherubuns had been taught by Melangel, but there had to be complexities that ran deeper. When he had spoken to Dove about it in the past, they had been adamant in their belief that the virtues cherubuns had been taught could coexist with the succubuns’ sins. Silvanus needed to know more about the teachings of sin themselves to see what he himself thought of it.

Mercy seated themselves next to Silvanus in the pew and gestured to the demon figure on the altar that looked over the entire congregation space. “Lord Murmur is our patron demon, as the most dedicated caregiver of infant succubuns, both historically and today. It’s thanks to him that our society was able to become what it is, and so we follow his teachings. The holy sins of Sulfur are as follows:

“Sloth, which reminds us to rest the body and soul, never to push ourselves beyond our limits, to enjoy the lives of comfort which we have been afforded.

“Greed, which reminds us to amass objects which bring us happiness and material wealth with which we can enjoy our lives to the fullest.

“Lust, which reminds us to worship the forms we have been granted by the demons’ magic, and to find physical fulfillment in ourselves and others.

“Gluttony, which reminds us to savor all the delights that we can, and to always be thankful for the opportunity to imbibe something new or in greater quantities than before.

“And Pride, which reminds us to love ourselves above all, because our existence as the demons’ blessed is unique, and it is thanks to the nature of this existence that we can enjoy all the other sins.”

Silvanus found himself wishing he’d brought a notebook and pen with which to write all of this down. Since he had none, he just nodded slowly, committing Mercy’s words to memory. There was at least one thing he knew of that they had left out, however.

“What about envy?”

The serene expression which Mercy had adopted during their recitation of the sins pinched just slightly. “Envy is not a sin venerated by the Church of Sulfur,” they said bluntly. “The effects of their caretakers’ neglect are unfortunate, and we have been glad to be able to welcome envy-horned buns into Burrowgatory after they found their way to us. We have been able to aid many of them in finding their way to the acceptance and practice of other sins, so that they can celebrate what they have rather than wanting what others have. The wisdom of Sulfur teaches us that our wants are to be granted, not dwelt upon without fulfillment.”

“I see.” Interestingly, the way that Mercy described envy lined up more with what he recalled being taught of the virtues of temperance and chastity. Wanting something but depriving yourself of it had been seen as admirable in the Heavenly Meadow - if you even admitted to wanting at all.

“Is something wrong?” Mercy asked, making Silvanus realize that he had been lost in thought.

He shook his head. “No, nothing. Please, continue.”

Though they had seemed slightly put off by his unexpected first appearance, Mercy smiled at him. “Gladly. Now, the ways that the Church of Sulfur encourages indulgence in each of the sins is as follows…”