Bad Influence | Idiot Priest

"What the..." Jackal spoke out to herself as she looked towards her usual smoking spot outside of the church. It was usually silent and empty unless she had invited one of the other envy buns to smoke a few cigs with her, but instead, there was a vaguely familiar robed figure leaning against the wall. "What the fuck are you doing here, Bahem? Don't tell me Oleander asked you to come out here and give me a talk about some dumb shit regarding my health."

Bahem, who had been nervously sitting there for a while, tried his best not to start crying immediately after being acknowledged. "No! Nothing like that, Jackal.  I just wanted to... come by and say hi...and uh..." He paused, as if he was trying to remember the words he was supposed to say. "Smoke... a pack... with you." Jackal looked at him, unimpressed. "You sound like one of those undercover cops, you know that?" Bahem felt himself flush in embarrassment. "I apologize... I'm... not good at this sort of thing."

"Clearly." The envy bun looked at Bahem for another moment. Damnit, she couldn't help but feel pity for the poor sap. Whatever he was trying to do, he was already having it blow up in his face. So the very least that Jackal could do was try to play along a little bit. "Fuck, fine. You can smoke some cigs with me if that's really what you're here for." 

She sat herself down next to the priest, pulling out her pack of cigarettes and popping open the top. She expertly fished out two cigarettes from the package, popping one into her mouth and then handing the other to Bahem. She shoved the pack back into her pocket before turning her gaze to Bahem. The idiot was staring at the cig like it was some kind of ancient artifact. He did eventually find himself able to put the cigarette in his mouth properly, and Jackal brought out her lighter in order to light both of their cigs.

Jackal tried to relax as she took a drag. She wasn't getting lectured about smoking outside of the church, so this was already better than when other priests would visit her out here. At least... that's what she thought until she heard a loud coughing sound from next to her. She ignored it for a little bit... but then she also heard the sound of a body falling on the ground, along with more coughing. 

Her head snapped in the direction of the sound, watching as Bahem was trying to put out the cigarette and coughing around smoke. He waved his hand around a bit to try and make the smoke move away from him, and Jackal made a very sudden realization. "Bahem!? Damnit, do you have some fucking breathing problems or some shit!?"

"A little- but it's fine!" Bahem wheezed out, one of his hands going to grip at the grass as he continued to cough. "It's not fine! You sound like you can barely fucking breathe! If you had breathing problems, why did you try to smoke a damn cigarette!?" Jackal pressed her cigarette against the wall, putting it out and hoping that would help the air clear up faster. She then moved to try and pick the priest back up onto his hooves, hoping that the poor man wasn't dying or something like that.

Bahem looked up at her, trying his best to give a kind smile. "I wanted to try... because I wanted to be friendly with you... And I know that you like your friends to prove that they're cool..." The dark-haired bun rolled her eyes at that one. "What!? Why the hell would you want to do something like that? Why wouldn't you just go and do whatever the rest of you high-and-mighty priests do all the time instead?"

"Because, I wanted to... help you feel welcome in Burrowgatory." He coughed again, though thankfully the smoke was starting to dissipate, making it easier for him to get a breath in. "I know I'll... never understand your experiences, but I used to be an outcast once upon a time... I didn't like seeing you in the alley alone whenever you didn't have friends visit...and I wanted to try and be another friend to fill in the space..."

Something about that hit Jackal's heart, but she didn't let it show. "You're an idiot." She grumbled instead, leaning Bahem against the wall and keeping a hand on his chest to make sure he was still breathing. "Heh, I've been told that a few times..." Bahem laughed, his breathing starting to calm down. Jackal waited until the male could take a few deep breaths without any struggle before removing her hand and reclining back on the wall next to him. 

"Listen, Bahem. The effort was nice, but I would have fucking preferred it if you didn't almost get yourself killed just to try and make me think you're cool." She huffed, closing her eyes in an attempt to not stare directly at Bahem, especially because she knew that if he said some dumb shit, she'd end up looking at him like he was crazy. "Well, I didn't know what else to do- I don't exactly have any studded belts of crazy piercings that I could have worn instead... and I already know that I can't really drink alcohol." Yeah, he was saying something stupid, just as she expected. 

She turned towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder. The grasp was firm, but not painful. "How about, crazy idea, next time you want me to feel included in something, you ask me like a normal person." Bahem opened his mouth to speak, but Jackal interrupted him before he could start. "And before you say something stupid about how it'd be better for you to come to me, don't. You clearly aren't the kind of Sulfur Bastard to look down on me and think that I'm some pathetic thing that needs to be taken care of and pitied, so I don't mind coming into the church and doing something besides smoking for a bit of my day. As long as you don't make me read that dumb fucking book..." Bahem gave her a little thumbs up in response. Clearly, the idiot was still tired after almost hacking up a lung, understandably. But it also reminded Jackal of another one of her stipulations for all of this.

"Also don't try to act all cool with me again. If this is how bad cigarettes went, I'm scared about what kind of bullshit might happen if you try to put on something with spiked studs."