Hopeless Romantic

Shoot really didn't consider himself a relationship guy, particularly romantic relationships. He had multiple casual relationships that had some amount of tenderness, but they had hardly more intimacy or ‘special feelings’ than a standard friendship with benefits. 

However, romance was a topic often brought up around him. As one can guess from the name, the nightclub he worked at, Love in a Bottle, had a love and heart theme. While love comes in many forms, romance fans seemed especially enamored with the decor, and they would be emboldened to talk about their infatuation openly.

One night on the clock, Shoot was stuck bartending a whole group of such romantics. He usually liked chatting up and charming patrons, but it was difficult to speak up amongst a gaggle of people all talking about something he didn't understand. Talking about it one-on-one would've been fine, the topic actually intrigued him quite a bit, but this was a different matter. He felt outcasted, even if it wasn't anyone's fault.

One of the patrons mentioned something that stuck with him, though. They told the other clubgoers all about how they got a romance fortune reading from Satin, a nun at the Church of Sulfur. About how patient, understanding, and detailed she was throughout the whole visit. About how they finally feel so reassured that somehow, someday, they certainly will find someone special.

The first thing Shoot did after getting home was look up where in Burrowgatory the Church of Sulfur was.

His opportunity to visit the church came way sooner than he had expected. For some reason, the club manager, Oliver, had been far more willing to let themself request time off as of late. As such, Shoot would find himself having surprise days off since the club can't open without the manager. It was terrible business practice, but he certainly wasn't complaining.

Upon his arrival, he was immediately hit with an overwhelming feeling deep inside himself:

He had absolutely no idea where anything was.

Luckily, he caught sight of someone who was very obviously a clergy member, marked by his elegant outfit and the rosary adorning his… rather nice body.

Shoot approached to ask for directions, very unsubtly checking the clergyman out as he did so. He wasn't a stranger to multi-tasking.

“Hey—damn—I’m new here, is there like,” Shoot paused to lean on the pillar next to him and sneak a quick glance up and down, “a map, or somethin’?”

Almost too pleased by the lustful attention, the other succubun turned his focus away from whatever he was doing and set it on Shoot. His lust horns glinted with the light streaming in from the stained glass windows.

“I can assist you in any way your heart desires. As the head priest of this congregation, I give you my fullest welcome. You may call me Father Oleander, or whatever name pleases you most.”

See, this was the sort of thing Shoot was well-acquainted with. No complicated feelings, no bimbles in his stomach, just clear intentions and a shared desire. This wasn't what he was there for, though.

“I'm here to see if I can get a…” A feeling he had trouble identifying began brewing inside him; a feeling any normal person would recognize immediately as embarrassment. “...reading…? From a nun here named Satin…?”

Oleander's face fell, bedroom eyes widening until they were just… normal… eyes. Going from unabashed ogling to awkwardly asking for actual directions must have sent some insanely mixed messages.

“...I can show you to her. Last I had seen her, she wasn't busy with anything. You may follow me.”

Oleander turned around and walked towards one of the church’s hallways. The dejection was radiating off of him. Poor guy. As consolation, Shoot made sure to put his all into admiring his demon-blessed ass.

After being escorted—in the less fun definition of the word—to Satin's room, Shoot quickly thanked Oleander and apologized for accidentally leading him on. Or, well… a wink counts as an apology, right?

With Oleander gone, Shoot knocked on the door. “Hey! Anyone in there?”

A couple beats passed before the door slowly glided open and revealed the nun Shoot was looking for. She looked up at him with curious and kind eyes.

“Hello! Do you need anything?” Her voice was gentle and sweet, though not without a sort of hesitation that Shoot was just slightly picking up on.

Any regret or embarrassment about getting a romance fortune reading dissipated from Shoot's mind upon seeing her. She had to be one of the cutest people he had ever met. Plus, now if anyone asked him why he did this, he could just say that it was all to hang out with a cute chick, no admitting to anything required.

“Yeah, can I get one of those love readings you do?” Shoot replied. “I'm, uh… really curious if romance is in my future, I guess.”

Satin’s face lit up, and she opened the door wide to let Shoot in at once. “Of course! I'm always happy to assist any hopefuls that seek my help! Please come in!”

As Shoot made his way inside, he tried his best to hide his discomfort. A ‘hopeful’, huh… He honestly didn't know whether that was applicable to him. He was interested in the idea of romance, but he didn't think he was specifically hoping that it would happen. If the reading predicted no romantic escapades in his future, he’d probably be fine with it.

Once they were both seated at a blush pink-clothed table in the middle of the room, Satin laid out both of her arms palm-up towards Shoot.

“If it's okay with you, please take my hands, and I’ll do a general glimpse into your fortune first!” Satin said, smiling warmly, “We can get into specifics after if you want, this will just give us a starting point.”

Looking down at the nun’s delicate hands, Shoot felt a wry smile spread across his face. He certainly wasn't the kind of guy to reject the opportunity to touch a cutie like Satin, even if it was just a little hand-holding. He gently set his hands in Satin’s, surprised at how cold they were, and resisted the urge to rub his thumbs over them to warm them up.

Satin closed her eyes, leaving Shoot to wonder if he should do the same. Surely she would have said something if that was required, right? So, he took his opportunity to look around the room and, of course, at her.

…Her hands were freezing. She seemed like such a warm, caring person, and she surely was, but something was off. 

The room had hardly anything not relating to love in it, it didn't feel lived in. A room usually feels like it had been gradually filled with evidence of the highs and lows of the life the person residing in it lived. This was an empty room that was hastily filled with one particular focus.

When she had opened the door to greet him earlier, Shoot had assumed the hesitation in her voice was just due to uncertainty, trying to gauge what he was there for. But it hadn't left. She knew what she was doing with the reading, so why was her voice so bittersweet?

Shoot’s eyes glanced up at Satin’s horns, and her eyes opened not even a full second after.

“Okay! I got a general look into your future love life!” Satin chimed, “Great news! You’re going to meet your soulmate very, very soon! Possibly even before the year ends!”

Any speculation into Satin’s life and struggles completely blinked out of Shoot’s head the moment those words left Satin’s lips. He has a soulmate? And they’ll meet soon?! He had to learn more, he just had to!

“Wh-what’re they like? Like, are they hot, or… Like, what’s… what’s up with them?!” Shoot hadn’t felt this desperate in a very long time. His words kept catching on every corner, greatly outpaced by the rapid thumping of his heart.

Gently, Satin brought Shoot’s hands together and sandwiched them between hers. “Breathe. It’ll be okay. I did see that this is the first time you’ll be in love. How…” She paused, lightly squeezing Shoot’s hands, “...wonderful, you getting it on the first try, hm?”

Shoot focused on his breathing. He needed to keep his cool. It was extremely embarrassing for him to be like this.

Satisfied enough with his clear attempts to calm down, Satin spoke up again. “It’ll be just a moment for me to set up what I need to peek more into the identity of your soulmate. I won’t tell you everything, but I can give you some hints. Sit tight for a bit, okay?”

On Shoot’s nod, Satin got up from her seat and began arranging various artifacts and objects around a crystal ball. She gave little explanations here and there about what they were for, and why she was using this method in particular for him, but none of it found a crack to hide in inside of Shoot’s busy mind.

Soon enough, they were ready to continue. Satin took Shoot’s hands in hers again, the crystal ball centered in the space between their arms, and spoke softly.

“Some visions of your soulmate will appear in the scrying ball here. They’ll be incomplete and vague, but they’ll hopefully be enough to sate your curiosity.”

With that, Satin closed her eyes, and a pale light began to emanate from within the crystal ball. At first, it was just a blank light, hardly different from a simple light-up toy. Then, shapes entered the frame of view, silhouettes breaking up the white glow. 

The indecipherable dances between light and dark eventually coalesced into a visage of a bun form. Nothing too identifiable could be ascertained, but Shoot noted the two long, spiked protrusions from the top of the bun’s head. Greed horns. Far be it from Shoot to dismiss a succubun based on what horns they have, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit worried. He didn’t make much money at his job, so he could hardly fund the sort of lavish lifestyle many greed buns sought after. And although a bun’s current main vice doesn’t always match their horns, Shoot found the lack of evidence that his soulmate could keep up with his extreme libido troubling. 

The vision changed, shapes mixing and swirling to form an image of… what are those? Stones? Glass shards? Paperclips? The image was morphing and changing actively; it was hard to tell what exactly it was trying to depict. The one throughline was that they seemed to be stuff one might find on the ground.

Lastly, the crystal ball showed a vision of a path, stretching over rolling hills, no end in sight. Shoot wasn’t always the best with metaphors, but this seemed pretty straightforward. The relationship he will have with this person will last for the foreseeable future. He highly doubted this meant ‘eternity’ and rather meant ‘long enough that the end is not something to even think about at this point in time’. Even he knew very few things truly lasted forever; infinity means countless opportunities for change to recreate what was there before.

Upon Satin opening her eyes once again, the light in the crystal ball was completely snuffed out. Her voice donned the most exhausted sing-songy tone ever heard by succubun ears.

“Okay~! I apologize, but that’s as far as I can show you. This method is quite strenuous, and I might need to stop your reading here, if that’s alright with you.”

Turning over the visions in his head, Shoot’s gaze was affixed to one uninteresting spot on the table. “Yeah, that’s okay. I think I’m good. Thanks.”

Unable to bring himself to say more, he got up from the table and gave Satin a little wave before leaving.

Shoot avoided talking to anyone else for the rest of the day, especially anyone with greed horns.

He needed to have a chat with the alleged loverboy in the mirror first.