Two Braincells at The Funeral

It was one of those days in Burrowgatory when the yearly weather cycle gathers clouds high up in the ceilings of the cave, threatening to empty their bellies of water on the unsuspecting buns in the city. On a normal day, most Succubuns would carry an umbrella and carry on with their day as usual, indulging in all the temptations the city has to offer. Today, however, few of that debauchery was to be found on the damp streets of Burrowgatory. The colorful avenues, illuminated by the neon lights of casinos and hotels, were unusually silent and somber, many of the attractions of the city closed for the day. A white flower, an extreme rarity in the dim caverns of Burrowgatory, solemnly decorated many of the establishments’ doors.

Along the empty streets walked a tall feminine doll followed by the clacking of her high heels. Dressed in a white airy dress Loretta held the long skirt in one of her hands, not used to the flow of fabric interfering with her walk. In her free hand, she held a black paper decorated with gold and red ink, the contents of it inviting her to attend the grand funeral of Oleander, the head priest of the Church of Sulfur. While it was hard to believe that a bun like Loretta would be religious or have time for prayer, she was in fact a firm believer and frequently attended sermons. She had faith that demons, their creators, would someday help improve her luck at the casino and make a big winning. 

It also didn’t help that the head priest was absolutely her type, too, and often open to fool around with the visitors of the Church. In fact, just a few days ago Loretta paid a visit to the confessional booth to complain about her awful luck at the casino again and ended up getting stuffed and sweaty inside the tight box. 

It was hard for Loretta to wrap her head around the fact that he was really gone, even though she just saw him the other day. She had to go see it for herself, and if the news were really true, pay her sincerest respects to the head priest’s passing. 

As she turned a corner, a grandiose gothic church entered Loretta’s view. Its tall spires reached into the depths of the cavern ceilings, scraping the heavy bellies of the clouds. The facade of the church was decorated with white ribbons, wreaths, and flowers, and all the lights were off, the building only illuminated by candlelight from below.

 A crowd of other buns and dolls, all dressed in white, gathered in front of the church. Many were already outside, grouped together to shed a few tears or discuss something about what they’ve seen, while others like Loretta had only just arrived. The newly arrived buns were greeted by one of the nuns who led them towards a set of tables covered in white flowers and candles, and instructed them to get one of each. Loretta fumbled for a moment, much to the disappointment of the nun, as she tried to pick up both of them with her hand that was already holding the invitational. Her ring and pinky fingers grabbed onto the candle and flower and she was able to hold everything in one hand.

“I’m pretty sure you won’t be able to light up the candle if you hold it that way,” a familiar voice came from behind to disrupt Loretta’s struggle. She looked back to see the messy white hair of her host friend and littermate. “And, anyway, didn’t that dress have pockets? I thought that’s all you were raving on about when we bought it, since your uniform doesn’t have any.”

Loretta’s mouth opened wide in realization. 

“You’re riiiiight!!” she exclaimed, dropping the candle and flower back on the table so she could tuck away the invitational into the pocket. In an instant the thing she was cursing this dress for suddenly became her savior when the airy folds of the dress hid the pocket out of sight. “Ohh my Sulfur, you, like, totally just saved my life, Takepii!”

With that, Loretta grabbed the candle and flower, one in each hand, letting the dress flow freely down her long legs. Her friend followed, and they walked towards the grand entrance of the church together.

Inside, the walls of the church were decorated with breathtaking stained glass depictions of various demons, the candlelight flickering reflected in the eyes. Church pews were neatly arranged on each half of the grand room, filled with other buns and dolls who were silently contemplating or praying. An earthy scent of incense clouded the large open room so strongly that Takeshi had to cover his nose with his sleeve for a moment.

“Anywayyy, didn’t take you for a church-goer, Reirei,” Takeshi’s voice came out muffled, though still audible, as he made conversation while getting their candles lit up. “You pray for Demons to help you at the casino?”

Loretta let out a little scoff at the question, her candle flickering in response. “I’ve got reasons. Can’t a girl, like, vent?”

“Vent?” The white-haired doll’s gaze fixated on his friend, curious. “So you come to the confessional? With the handsome priest?” He teased Loretta, poking her in the ribs.

“No!! It’s totally not like that!” 

“Yeahh, sure, says Miss I-think-with-my-lower-head.” Takeshi sidestepped, avoiding Loretta’s hip bump retaliation. “Head priest Oleander was sooo your type!”

“Was NOT!!” The girl exclaimed in defense.

“Would you two settle down?!” Someone’s voice interrupted Loretta’s pouty voice. The two friends could feel an irritated stare burning through them and when they looked to find the source they found an Envy bun staring them down with her arms crossed. “This is a funeral, for fuck’s sake.”

“Oh Jackal, I’m sure Head Priest Oleander, may he rest in sin, would not mind some energy at his funeral.” From behind the angry bun peeped out a sweet Cherubun looking all the more ethereal and angelic in their white dress. Their soft misty gaze met Loretta and Takeshi’s and they reassured the two with a smile that didn’t reach their eyes. “He was the kind of man that loved festivity and debauchery much like the Demons he worshipped. I think having buns that are not all sobbing would help the atmosphere.”

“But, angel, at lea-” Jackal tried to make a point, something about giving other visitors a peaceful time to mourn the passing of everyone’s beloved priest, but the cherubun silenced her with their finger on her lips and gently smiled at her. Jackal only blushed at that gesture, giving her friend the space to finish their speech.

“They’re also here to pay respects. Let them do so in the most sinful way, in this church of sin.”

After a brief silence processing her friend’s words Jackal rolled her eyes with a grumble. “Ughh, fine… You guys, carry on.” She signaled with her head giving them permission to go and looked away, almost as if saying ‘go before I change my mind.’

Loretta and Takeshi walked off and lined up behind other buns to leave their flowers at the casket.

“Yikess.. What was her problem?” Loretta shrugged with her whole body, trying to shake off the previous interaction. Though they were given permission to carry on with their banter, she didn’t feel comfortable speaking higher than a half-whisper. “But also, like… a Cherubun? In Church of Sulfur?”

“I knoww, right??” Takeshi turned to meet his eyes with Loretta’s, both of them curious about about the development. “I knew they came down out of curiosity for their origins, but I think this is the first time I’ve seen one actually in the church.”

“Heh, I bet they were totally charmed by Oleander to come here!” Loretta stated proudly before looking down on the flower and candle in her hand. “ Still can’t believe he’s, like, GONE gone. Like, I just literally saw him the other day.”

“I’m sure you did,” Takeshi lightly teased before also switching the topic. “But yeah, weird things have been happening recently. I wonder if his sudden passing is somehow related to the serial disappearances that have been happening these weeks.”

Loretta only shrugged in response as it was almost their turn to pay their respects at the altar.

When it was finally their turn, Loretta and Takeshi were not allowed up close to the casket, and instead had to place their flowers at the bottom of the altar. Mercy, the head nun, greeted and thanked them for attending. Their gentle smile could not hide the inconsolable grief in their voice. After they left their flowers and candles, it looked like only a few more buns were left in the line, and the memorial was almost officially over.

The two littermates made their way to some free seats on the pews to wait for the end of the service. As the final parishioners paid their respects, Mercy went up the altar to the casket, joined by a handsome silver-haired Envy bun with a scornful look who stood guard in front of the coffin.

“Jackal, if you may please invite our siblings outside to please come in,” Mercy gestured to the grumpy bun from before who was still guarding at the doors, “and join us for the final prayer before we all say goodbye to our beloved Father Oleander.”

While waiting for the other buns to come inside Loretta was looking around and checking out other buns.

“Sheesh, is it just me or that guy up there, like, totally doesn’t want to be here?” Loretta whispered while checking out the mysterious man at the altar.

Takeshi followed Loretta’s gaze to the casket and the silver-haired bun in front of it. The stern guard looked less than enthusiastic to be there, his arms crossed. The uneven rhythm of his foot tapping was drowned out in the murmurs and cries that echoed through the church as more buns went back inside.

“Doesn’t seem like one for church, does he?” Takeshi’s lips puckered into a pout, contemplating the ticked behavior of the handsome guard.

“He does seem like my type tho,” a scheming smile adorned Loretta’s face, already imagining all the things she wanted to do with him.

“I still can’t comprehend how you didn’t grow lust horns, Reirei!” Takeshi mocked her by holding his index and thumb fingers in a heart shape and placing them up to where his horns are.

Loretta elbowed her friend with an irked “Hey!” but their banter was cut short as a deep organ melody penetrated the mournful quiet of the church, signaling the start of the final prayer for the dead. Despite being a rowdy and playful girl, Loretta piped down and put her hands together in a solemn prayer as the music rang through the dim hall. Following her lead, Takeshi also dropped his hands. The longer the melody went on, everyone took a somber moment to reflect on life, death, and all of the unsettling occurrences that have been happening around Burrowgatory recently.

When the final echoes of the melody faded, the church was left in complete silence, allowing Mercy to take the stage.

“Thank you, all, for joining us today as we,” the nun paused for a moment to take a deep breath. “As we mourn the passing of our beloved Head Priest Oleander. He was the most devoted and faithful believer of the Demons’ will for us, and he diligently practiced his faith with daily indulgences in the vices.” Mercy choked up for a moment, thinking of their time with Oleander. “We- we should all learn from him and strive for sin, as he did. Let that be his final legacy.”

Loretta’s brows furrowed as she looked on at Mercy’s speech. “They must be, like, super sad, right?”

“Yeah, I feel super bad for them.” Takeshi responded, zoning out the prayer a bit.

“Like, if this happened to me.. If, like, Takepi died.. I’d totally be sad for, like, forever.” She dropped her head on her littermate’s shoulder with a pout, slightly nuzzling into the white fabric.

“Guess that’s what funerals are for, man. Gotta appreciate ya friends!” He tousled her hair a bit, which annoyed Loretta a bit and she straightened up.

As the sermon came to an end, with Mercy holding up surprisingly well and not breaking down crying - though no one would’ve judged if they did - the faithful buns started pouring out of the main entrance of the church. Loretta and Takeshi also slowly made their way to the grand doors, pondering on what’s going to happen next.

“Man, I wonder who will be the next, like, head priest? ‘S that, like, gonna be Mercy?” Loretta curiously tilted her head. “Can nuns, like, take over?” 

“Oh, you’re asking the real questions now!” Takeshi whisper-exclaimed, also curious. “I don’t know tho.”

“Wha? I thought you were the smart one between us!” 

As they kept on their friendly bickering and banter, the two littermates reached the main entrance - or exit now - and were on their way out. Loretta shivered as a chill breeze of the season fluffed up her skirt, and Takeshi could smell the moisture in the air, heralding an incoming rain. As he thought that, the clouds up above finally burst open their hefty bellies and the whole city was shrouded in a blanket of rainfall, marking a fitting end to this sorrowful day.

“Hey, Reirei… did you bring an umbrella?”