Sermons and Sins

Andi was disappointed when she came back to the Church of Sulfur and didn’t see Merry - no, no it was Mercy - anywhere.  She’d been hoping that maybe she could see ‘it’ again and get another free lunch…  Her bestie had been so good about explaining what she had missed the last time, it would have been cool to actually intentionally get Mercy to bribe her.  Oh well!  There were always other times.

She had just planned to leave, but as she was turning to go, the confession booth opened and another bun emerged, waving and blowing a kiss over their shoulder as they left.

Andi was a little surprised by that, since she hadn’t heard any moaning, unlike her last visit.  But maybe she’d just come in around the time they had finished and so the priest and that other bun had just been getting cleaned up?

The priest emerged next, smiling kindly at Andi when he saw her.  He had really pretty hair, she noticed, looking at the long braid that fell from his head.

“Good day to you,” he greeted her, coming over to shake Andi’s hand.

She pumped his hand back enthusiastically.  Sure, she had been planning on leaving, but no harm in making new acquaintances, right?  It was always fun to get to know other buns, after all!  “Good day to you too!”

He drew his hand back after a moment, massaging it lightly, and Andi blushed - she must have used a bit too much force by accident!  “You have quite a firm grip,” he said, eyeing her hands - surprisingly, he almost looked like he liked that?  Huh…  Usually when she used too much force on a handshake, the other bun got annoyed!  “I don’t believe I’ve seen you at any of the sermons - might I have the pleasure of knowing your name?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m Andi!  You?”

He looked more than a little amused.  “My name is Oleander.  You seem to be unfamiliar with the Church - are there any questions you might have?”

Andi blinked at him.  Questions…?  What would she have questions about?   Was she supposed to have questions about something?  “...no?”

“Would you be here for confession?”

“...what’s that?”  She vaguely knew the confession booth was a thing, but it just seemed like a meaningless adjective ascribed to a nice spot for buns to have sex in.

Oleander seemed almost taken aback.  “It’s-  In essence, it is when a bun comes in to speak with myself or another priest about things they are struggling with, their concerns or fears, or how they might better engage with their own vices.”

Andi tilted her head as though confused.  “Worries?  Fears?”  Those all sounded like a lot of effort to experience.  Other buns must have it rough, having to deal with that.  “...I thought the priests were just fucking in the confession booth, honestly.  Didn’t realize you had to talk to people in there too.”

Oleander gazed at her horns for a moment, before laughing.  “Well, you seem quite fortunate in your bliss, if you sound so confused at those words!  While we do often engage in lust and yes - fucking - in there, we just as often engage in conversation.  Almost everyone has things they’d like to get off their chests - not only their shirts.  Sometimes a bun feels like they need to make a change in their lives and they don’t know how to do it, or they feel alone and need comfort, or they need advice from a relatively neutral party.”

“How is a party neutral?”  Parties had always seemed like a very positive thing to Andi.  “Are there negative parties?”

Oleander looked quite bemused.  “I meant party as in an individual, not party as in a social event.”

“Ohhh…”  Well that was a new one.  She never had known that a bun could be a party.

“Would you like to try confession?”

“Sure.”  Questions like that didn’t really register as choices for Andi, just a command to follow.  She followed Oleander into the confessional booth, which definitely smelled like sex, and lots of it.

They got seated in their respective spots… and then just… sat for a while.

“Anything to confess about?  Or that you’d just like to discuss?”

Andi had certainly not considered that she was supposed to have something to say.  “Oh…  No?”

“...well, I guess that makes the end of this confession, then,” Oleander said.  He seemed to find it funny, as he led Andi back out of the booth.  “It’s been very interesting to meet you, Andi, and I hope to see you again soon.”

“You too!” she said cheerfully, once again pumping his hand up and down in an over-enthusiastic shake (although she was more careful with her strength this time) before heading out of the church.  How odd…