Imp-Shenanigans

It is stifflingly hot in Burrowgatory. The heat has Altair’s nerves, and hair, in a mess. He attempted to tame the frizz by throwing it in a haphazard up do with limited sucess.

There is an event at Imp Shop that Altair would normal disregard without a second thought; but, Samson begged for them help out. So here he is, sweaty and smack dab in the middle of downtown Burrowgatory.

"God, what have I gotten myself into?" He silently muses. The Imporium is a sight to see, with balloons, banners, and ramps galore. It’s colorful, but what draws their eyes the most is the inky little blobs being led around the obstacle course. He could just leave, but Samson would kill him. Hotch? No - Hutch, seems a little frazzled. Their glasses are crooked, and they seem to be fending off a curious Chirop. 

The jet black imp flutters around Hutch’s head, just out of reach. Hutch is currently carrying an armful of other imps and lacks the extra hand needed to take care of the Chirop. Altair has to smother a snort before he approaches, grabbing the mischievous critter right out of the air and tucking it under their arm, much like a football. The Chirop jerks about like it's trying to get free. Altair tightens his grip on it.

“It looks like you need some help, boss," He comments unhelpfully, while pointedly looking at the squirming bundle of imps in Hutch’s arms. Altair reaches out and adjusts Hutch’s glasses before speaking. 

"I’m here to help out with the uh- event. I’m a friend of Samson’s."

Hutch, who had a look of confusion prior, brightens." Yes! Samson said he was sending someone! I need help training these guys on the agility course. You don’t mind, do you?" 

Altair offers a shrug, mindful of the imp they’re still holding onto. This Chirop seems particularly feisty. Hutch is holding onto a Phloof and an Inkap, and there's a Corvat perched carefully on his shoulder. Hutch nods enthusiastically, not at all put off at the lackluster response, before showing Altair over to the first obstacle. 

Hutch puts the imps in a corral, and Altair follows the example. The Corvat still sits on Hutch’s shoulder, almost inquisitive. Hutch digs into his pocket and grabs a few treats. They’re gray in color, with dark flecks in them.

"These are sesame treats. While imps don’t eat, these are great tools to use in the training process,” Hutch says grinning like he is thrilled to death, holding out the treat to show Altair. "These are completely safe for imps to eat and offer a great incentive to teach them. Here, take some."

They chime, grabbing more of the treats and giving them to Altair. Altair is quick to shove them into his pocket and watches curiously as Hutch takes the lead. They grab the Inkap from the holding pen and sit the imp down. The Inkap peers up at Hutch curiously, but does not move. Hutch smiles at the imp, before showing the creature the treat.

" Alright, buddy! Sit!” Hutch commands, smiling brightly as the Inkap sits on command. Hutch readily feeds the imp their treat before looking up at Altair. "See. Not hard at all. Could you try training that Chirop you grabbed earlier? He knows the command; he’s just a little hard headed." 

Altair nods, plastering on a smile. Internally, he’s groaning at the thought of having such a difficult imp. Altair grabs the Chirop and moves to a more secluded place. Altair fishes the treat out of his pocket, and shows it to the Chirop, just as Hutch did. Altair puts on his best "scary-owner-voice" as he commands the Chirop to sit.

"Sit."

"...."

The Chirop putters around like the imp did not hear him, and Altair balks. He waves the treat a little aggressively in front of the imp, finally capturing the creature's attention.

"Sit!"

Instead of sitting, the Chirop slowly blinks up at Altair.

"Oh, you little shit," Altair growls at Chirop, making sure Hutch isn’t close enough to hear him. 

"You better sit, or I swear to God,” He grits out, before trying again louder. “Sit!" 

Much to Altair's dismay, nothing happens, other than the Chirop begging for the sesame treat. Altair looks at the treat, before looking back at the Chirop. 

"Oh?” He teases, “Did you want this?" Altair waves the treat at the imp, teasing it, before quickly shoving the entire thing into his mouth. They grimace and have to force down the treat. Altair coughs roughly, glancing at the Imp and is pissed to notice the thing sitting. He wipes at his mouth before glaring at the now-sitting Imp.

"Now... now you want to sit." He sighs, grabbing the imp and returning to Hutch.

"Can I get another one? One more… beginner friendly?"

Hutch nods and swaps out the Chirop with a Phloof. "Here! She’s much more friendly. A little dirty, though, would you mind cleaning her up? There's a grooming station right over there. You… do know how, right?" Hutch asks, looking a bit suspiciously. 

"Yeah, boss, I got it. Don't worry about it." Altair responds with a smile, tucking the Phloof under his arm. 

The grooming station is close by and has all the necessary equipment to groom an imp. Altair sits the Phloof down in the wash basin, going to turn on the water, when he hears someone clear their throat.

"Uh.. Boss?" He asks, a little confused at seeing Hutch. 

"Oh, don't worry! I'm here just to show you what's what, ok?"

Altair nods, moving over so they both have room at the grooming station. Hutch sets the water with practiced ease.

"Not too hot, not too cold,” He warns, before soaking the Phloof down. Altair snorts at the imp, looking less like a Phloof and more like a wet rat. 

Hutch grabs the shampoo and hands it to Altair, motioning for them to go ahead. Altair squeezes out a dollop of soap, and gently starts massaging it into the imp.The Phloof is well-behaved and seems to almost purr under the attention of Altair. Altair has no idea what the fuck he's doing, but at least she's right. He carefully scrubs the soap off, waiting for Hutch to hand over the shower head, before rinsing the Phloof off. Once the soap is all gone, Hutch hands Altair the conditioner, and the process is complete.

"Who would have thought, huh, fucking imp conditioner. " He muses silently, going to gently towel dry the Phloof. Once clean, Altair hands over the imp to another volunteer before moving to grab the Corvid on Hutch’s shoulder.

That is when he fucks up. 

The Imp flaps, almost annoyed, and breaks away from Hutch and Altair. The imp perches carefully at the top of one of the banners, and caws at them mockingly. 

Altair would swear it sounded like a bun laughing at him. 

He looks over at Hutch, waiting for the other to tell him what the fuck to do. Unfortunately, Hutch looks almost as lost as Altair does.

" Come here, buddy." Hutch coos at the Corvid, waving their hands like that will somehow entice the imp. Altair sighs, and fixes his mass of hair into a bun, making peace with the idea that he will be climbing that pole to grab the imp. The earring dangling off his ear is now visible, and that seems to grab the imps attention. Altair doesn’t see it coming as the imp swoops down from his perch to attempt to swipe his earring. Altair shrieks, and grabs onto his ear, fighting with the Corvid over his beloved earring. 

" Please- oh fuck, don’t you fucking dare oh-," He stumbles, as Hutch grabs the Corvid and frees Altair from its clutches. His ear throbs painfully, and he carefully rubs at the tender skin. 

"He didn’t mean it." Hutch tries to explain, but Altair interrupts him with a 

"Yes, the fuck he did! That fucking hurt." 

Hutch offers an apologetic smile, and Altair shakes his head, finally fed up.

"I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I’m going home."