A Cherubmas Carol

Filigree tapped her hooves lightly on the ground as she trailed after the end of a retinue of carolers, feeling self-conscious about the whole ordeal. It had seemed like it would be fun, traveling around with a choir singing. Sure, she'd had to learn some new songs and she wasn't exactly getting the same level of attention she did when she was starring on her own... but she hadn't felt at all self-conscious until they were actually doing it, and she wasn't entirely sure why.

Which was infuriating - she shouldn't be having to play a silent guessing game to understand a feeling she was having.

She sighed as they began to gather in front of another business, and, reluctantly, moved a little faster so she could stand in the central position that caroling group's leader had chosen for her. It made sense, she supposed, since she was a professional singer, while everyone else was just... hobbyists. (Well, she wouldn't judge the cherubuns in the group for that - they hadn't exactly been in Burrowgatory long enough to become professional at anything... The other succubuns, however, she would freely judge for it, they had opportunities aplenty). It meant her voice was one of the leading ones for the other carolers to follow.

Filigree was used to performing alone, and she supposed that might be part of it, as the caroling leader gestured to begin. Her voice rose as she began the soprano part, and heard the others joining in alongside her.

She didn't dislike the whole thing - it was fun, hearing how the voices all blended together, after all. She'd enjoyed the opportunity to make some 'discoveries' of her own, connecting some of the cherubuns in the group to her agent, who had been delighted at the opportunity. Overall, it was worth it, despite the strange self-consciousness she felt. She just wanted to know why she felt it, so she could do something to get over it.

As the notes of one song faded out and some of the passers-by and shoppers applauded, it occurred to her a possible reason. Seeing their leader's arm raised again, she launched into the next notes, though her mind remained occupied. She was used to singing to others at a distance - on a stage, with lighting and lots of makeup. There were plenty of cameras pointed at her, but there was never anyone close enough to actually see her, or touch her. Was this what bothered her?

It felt like a probable explanation. It was something that wouldn't have bothered her practicing - they'd mostly met at her home, after all, once she had joined up and decided that the owner of the area the group had been practicing was a little too interested in getting the caroling leader on their own, and the caroling leader clearly uncomfortable with them. It had been a space she was comfortable. Being out here, caroling to businesses? That... Well, she certainly felt more exposed. She didn't know which cameras were recording for the lovely singing, and which were recording because they recognized her. She'd done her best to cover up some of her distinctive features - wearing a hat she had stretched to try to cover her horns, and hiding her tail beneath her long skirt (which was so uncomfortable!). As much as she loved her fame and renown, she didn't want to be a distraction from the rest of the group. She didn't want news stories proclaiming Filigree was caroling downtown - because it was not just her, even if she knew she was the best singer in the group. Even the hobbyists deserved credit for their work.

Just one more song to go, she told herself - and then three more businesses after this one.

If this happened again next year... Maybe she could try to put her ears up too, then. Or see if she could learn to shapeshift with enough control to change her eyes to match or-

...maybe she just needed to be in public more often.

The thought occurred to her as a pair of buns stopped to cheer for the singing, and she saw how their hands were wrapped around each others' hips, how they seemed unbothered by anything going on. They didn't look around themselves as if worried, they simply cheered and moved on.

The song finished, and they began to move on to the next business. This time, Filigree kept pace with the caroling leader, so she didn't have to worry about catching up to reach her spot. This time, though, as they walked, she noted each bun on the street. No one seemed to point to her or react to her in particular. Everyone had their own lives to live.

Mercy and Oleander regularly walked through the city as though it were nothing, though they were universally known. When was the last time that she had gone anywhere she was unfamiliar with...?

She couldn't even remember.

As they got into position to sing once more, she clasped her hands together and tried to imagine she was unknown to anyone but the choir. It... helped, actually, and Filigree felt some of the tension in her shoulders ease as most of the self-consciousness faded. She was a good singer, sure - but who would really recognize her voice without dozens of instruments accompanying it, when singing in a style she never used on stage?

So she smiled now, as she opened her mouth to begin the next song, and made a private resolution to herself - this next year, she would find a way to break out of the ways she had been isolating herself. She could figure out the specifics of how to do that later, but as they sung, she opted to just let the matter drop from her mind. She was caroling with a group, and it was time that this song about bells actually received her full attention.