Inconveniencing the Clergy

Merry wasn't exactly the religious type. She didn't care for the beliefs of others beyond using them to taunt others into a brawl, which in all fairness was how she felt about a vast majority of topics. If it wasn't of direct value to her, then it was only brought up in the interest of starting a fight, and that usually worked better if she was actually ignorant in the topic. Nothing pissed people off more than someone being confidently, blatantly wrong about something they had a large amount of knowledge in, and Merry delighted in this fact.

The point is Merry doesn't have an interest in religion. She'd been to the Church of Sulfur once before while accompanying Cici, who had needed to talk to Mercy about something that Merry hadn't been paying attention to, and had been asked to leave after slapping the head priest when he tried to flirt with her. Maybe she overreacted a little to the suggestive comment, but maybe he should have taken the hint the moment he stepped within her bubble of personal space and she tried to set him ablaze with her glare alone.

All that to say that Merry didn't really know why she was at the church for a second time. She knew how she'd gotten there, of course- half-eaten cheesy corn dog still in hand from the small food stand she'd passed on the way- but she had no reason to be here other than boredom, as her plans for the day had gotten cancelled after she'd already gotten ready for them, so she'd just been wandering through the city and figured the ornate religious building was as good as any to visit. Maybe she could do that whole 'appreciating fine architecture' thing Cici did.

So she was surprised to see Mercy, the head nun if she remembered correctly, with a hand in the tithes box, seemingly not having noticed there was someone standing not even ten feet away from them. Merry could stay quiet and just let them swipe some carats in peace, it's not like she actually cared what the church did with the religious tax, or she could start some shit by obnoxiously clearing her throat to let the greed-horned bun know they've been caught stealing.

When she recounts this story to Astro later (her secrets are his secrets and vice versa, it's part of their bestie code) he'll shake his head and give a disappointed sigh in the 'of course you would do that' kind of way, because he knows her and therefore is fully aware there was no way for her to ever choose the first option unless there was something genuinely, seriously wrong.

And there wasn't anything genuinely, seriously wrong, so she swallowed the bite of corn dog she had taken before noticing what the nun was doing and cleared her throat as loudly as she could.

Mercy spun around, the hand that had just been in the tithes box behind their back, glancing around the room before thinking to look down and spotting the striped bun looking up at them. Said striped bun took another bite out of her corn dog, as potentially blackmailing a member of the clergy or not, it was very tasty and she hadn't had much to eat that day.

Said member of the clergy continued staring for a while, slowly relaxing their posture until they seemed to decide that they've already been caught, so they may as well just take what they've stolen rather than attempting to feign innocence, stuffing their hand up their skirt to shove the carats into what Merry saw to be a pocket sewn onto the inside of their clothing. Damn, they must do this often.

The impromptu staring contest continued for another while, Merry now just holding a slightly dirty stick as she finished off her snack.

Mercy deigned to be the one that speaks first, "Your silence. What will it cost?"

Merry shrugged. "Eh, I dunno. What have ya got to offer?"

Mercy's hands went back to their skirt, Merry cutting in the moment they started lifting it. "Ew, ewewew, ewwwwwwwwww. Never even think of anything like that involving me ever again."

The doll-form succubun looked surprised at the visceral disgust, but took it in stride. "...Carats, then? A share of what I have?"

To that Merry just shrugged again, " I'm not exactly hurting for cash right now. At least buy me something interesting with it."

Mercy looked somewhat perplexed as to what they could possibly offer, which was understandable as Merry actually had no idea what she wanted herself. She hadn't thought she'd actually get this far. The two just stood there for a while, trying to come up with something before Merry remembered something her friend had mentioned to her before.

"Actually, have you ever been up to the Heavenly Embassy?"

The look of surprise returned to Mercy's face, "Ah, no?"

"Well me neither, I heard the guy in charge is kind of an asshole and I don't want to deal with that when fighting him isn't an option. But I want a vial of Ambrosia, so you are gonna go up there and buy it for me instead."

"Why would you want Ambrosia? You do know it is poisonous to succubuns, correct?"

"Yeah, I'm not stupid! It's a gift for someone else, obviously! So, when are you free to make a trip up there?"

"...I could go tomorrow morning, if you'd be able to pick it up at around this time."

Merry considered this, humming in an exaggerated show of thoughtfulness. "Sure, that works. Guess I'll see you tomorrow. By the way, you should probably put the top of the box back on."

Mercy spun back around to do just that, hurrying off to their office just as the head priest exited the confession booth alongside another lust-horned man. While Merry wouldn't call herself an expert, she was near certain that the penitent wasn't meant to be in the same section of the booth as the priest, so she made her way out of the building before she could think any more about that, rushing to Astro's house to tell him the gossip.

"I'm surprised you didn't try to extort something out of him as well!" Astro would proclaim as she finished her story, getting a scoff from Merry in response, "Please, you can only do that with information that would actually be troublesome if it got out. Lust-horned succubun in charge of the religion that treats indulgence as a holy duty found indulging in lust? Might as well tell everyone that a chirop caused some mischief again."

Astro rolled his eyes, but understood, "Alright, but why did you make Mercy go to the Embassy? I know for a fact that you don't personally know any cherubuns to give ambrosia to."

Merry knew she had 'The Smile' as Astro had dubbed it on her face when she explained, "Cici mentioned that Primrose ranted to her about the Church of Sulfur, and she said he'd probably have an aneurysm if one of them actually went into the Embassy."

"...So you sent up the head nun?"

"Yep!" said Merry, popping the P. "Too bad I won't be there to hear it. Only thing that could make it better is if the head priest went as well, but I can't think of a way to make that happen."

"How would Primrose even recognise them? From what I've heard I'd be surprised if he ever actually came down from that cloud."

"Oh, he knows them mostly through word of mouth. I'm not completely sure he'd recognise their face, but I'm sure he can put it together through name and mannerisms."

"You're an absolute fucking nightmare, you know that? That's not a compliment, get that smirk off your face or I'll wipe it off myself-"

---

At almost exactly the same time as the day before, Merry made her way through the church's doors, noticing Mercy just about to walk through the side door that presumably separated their office from the main floor of the religious building.

"Hello there, Mx. head nun! Mind if we speak about that private matter from yesterday?"

Merry was waved into the office, door closing behind her and Mercy moving to sit behind their desk. The greed-horned bun moved some paperwork to the side before looking back towards Merry.

"How was the trip?" Merry chirped.

"I... can definitely see what you had meant about the cherubun in charge..." Mercy sighed.

"Oh? Did he give you trouble? Hopefully not, that would be unfortunate, especially if he were to prevent you from getting what I requested."

"No, no, he still allowed the sale of Ambrosia," The nun reached down to open a drawer built into her desk, placing the vial on the surface, "So our deal has been done. Though I… get the feeling it wasn't necessarily the Ambrosia you were after."

"I have no idea what you mean. I'm sure Primrose was absolutely delighted to have met you, and I'm happy to get my Ambrosia. Plus, I don't know what you mean by a deal, I never saw anything and you're just doing me a favor as a generous member of the clergy, right?"

"Of course. Now if you excuse me, I need to get back to my work..."

Merry took that as the dismissal it was, swiping the vial of Ambrosia into her bag and heading out the door. Maybe Cici would appreciate it, seeing as she actually hung out with cherubuns regularly. After all, Merry didn't need it, she had just wanted to make some bun's lives inconvenient for a moment.