dan's personal hell

As the setting sun envelops Burrowgatory in soft, orange hues, an exhausted Dan steps out of his confectionery workshop, broom in hand. Finally, some peace and quiet, he thinks as he begins to diligently sweep off the entrance to his shop, blissfully unaware of the man searching for him…

A considerable amount of time had already passed and this ‘Dan’s Dango’ was still nowhere in sight for Kineya, who never really cared much for the art of exploration. “It is far too big here!” He would sometimes complain to himself, aimlessly wandering the streets.

It was the sound of a distant grunt of frustration that snapped Dan out of his peaceful stupor. “How could any reasonable citizen live in such a place?!” Various complaints echoed through the street, capturing the attention of the few buns present. It was a loud, unique voice…almost as if some strange theater performance had begun in the distance. Whatever, doesn’t concern me, Dan shrugged and went back to sweeping the last few bits of dirt away from the entrance.

“Excuse me…” The voice from earlier had grown closer to Dan. Much closer, in fact. It was extremely loud, almost painfully so. As a great shadow cast over him, Dan had no choice but to look up, clearly annoyed.

Towering over him was Kineya, showing no exhaustion from his hours-long trek around Burrowgatory. His eyes were gleaming with a newfound determination as he looked down at Dan. “This is the establishment with the…squishy foods, yes? I was told to look for a man that shares your appearance.” Before Dan could reply, Kineya forced a once-crumpled flyer into his free hand. “My lover tells me this says you offer training in the art of food-making. This is true, correct?”

Dan sighed, confused and frustrated. “We’re closed. Sorry.” He didn’t want to deal with a man like this, not right now. Kineya remained unphased, however, continuing to stare down at him. He had spent his whole day trying to find this place, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to find it again - he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. The two stood there in silence, both of them completely stubborn and unwilling to budge.

…

But…how long would this man stay here, just staring at him? Dan’s mind began to spiral. What if he stayed here the whole night, just following him? He couldn’t take it. With one final sigh, he backed up, motioning for Kineya to enter his shop. “Ugh…fine.”

Kineya’s face immediately lit up as he firmly placed his hands on Dan’s comparatively small shoulders. “Wonderful! You have my gratitude!” Stepping down from his extravagant platforms and moving Dan to the side, Kineya proudly walked inside, ready to receive his training, whatever it may entail. Even without his shoes on, he seemed to fill the entire shop, his horns only just barely avoiding scraping against the ceiling at times.

Looking around, Kineya’s eyes lit up at seeing the few remaining mochi that had yet to be put away. “Ah! Yes! These!” He eagerly pointed over to them, his tail flicking in excitement as he looked back at Dan. “I am certain these are what he was speaking of!”

“Right, right…” Dan mumbled in response, dejectedly putting away his broom. Before he could guide Kineya over to the kitchen, his body froze in fear as he turned around, helplessly watching Kineya grab each remaining mochi, squeezing them without remorse.

“Most interesting! I would never have expected such a thing…” Kineya innocently mumbled to himself, completely unaware of his actions.

Dan loudly cleared his throat, attempting to regain his composure. As much as he wanted to yell at this idiot, Shibani was most likely sleeping in the back of the shop, and he couldn’t bear waking him up…he just wanted to get this done and over with.

“F-Follow me, please…” Dan could barely contain his anger over Kineya’s disrespect, his fists clenched. Kineya, on the other hand, simply smiled brightly in response. “Of course!” Before haphazardly plopping down each mochi he was groping back onto the display table, a heinous action not unnoticed by Dan.

Dan placed the bowl of leftover rice dough onto a clean counter with a considerable thud, along with a crudely written paper of instructions. “Here. Follow this.” He crossed his arms impatiently.

“Ah…y-yes…” Kineya scratched the side of his face, holding the paper. His eyes darted from one corner to the next, with a sincere attempt to decipher the symbols that Dan had written out. “This is what I must do, yes? I-I see, yes…clearly, of course!” With an uncertain nod, he set the paper aside before staring at the bowl of dough in front of him. “Th-Then I just…um…”

“You can’t read, can you.” Dan stated, his expression completely flat.

“Mmm…no!” Kineya smiled nervously, shaking his head. “I was not aware it was such a common practice! Vanilla is usually around to assist me, but…I am doing this as a gift to him! I could not possibly bring him with me! It is one of those ‘surprises’ I hear so much about!”

“Right…” Dan sighed. “Where are you from, exactly…?” It was quite unusual for a citizen of Burrowgatory to be illiterate, and Dan was certain it wasn’t because of his handwriting - he had written the instructions quickly, but they were still legible.

“Don’t know!” Kineya couldn’t help but answer honestly. “Somewhere outside of this place. Very far away.”

It felt a bit pointless to try and question him. Dan simply shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. “Well, whatever, I guess. Making dango is pretty simple, at least. Watch me.”

“Cover your hands in flour and grab a ball of dough…add the flavor and roll it into a sphere like this.” Dan’s motions are quick and impatient, but fairly clear. Even somebody like Kineya should be able to understand this, right? “Since I already made the dough earlier, that’s all you have to do.”

“Hmm…” After fastidiously studying Dan’s movements, Kineya gives a confident nod. “Okay! Perfect! I will do my best!” Covering his hands with copious amounts of flour, he gives a firm clap, coating himself, Dan, and the surrounding area in a thin layer of flour. “Hahaha!” Kineya’s hearty laugh shakes the building, leaving Dan to sigh weakly in response.

When is he gonna leave… All Dan can do is pray this is over soon.

After grabbing a large amount of dough and giving it a firm squeeze, Kineya nods. “Which flavor would he want…?”

“This a gift for somebody?” Dan asked, perhaps on impulse.

“Ah, yes! Well, this morning…”

Dan shook his head, waving his hands in front of him in defeat. “N-Nevermind, I don’t–”

“Vanilla! Yes, he handed me that paper with the words on it! He told me, ‘I bet this feels just like you do’. What do you think that meant? He started grabbing my chest after, but he always does that. Hmm…ah, but regardless, he seemed quite excited by the idea, so I wanted to try it out just for him. He is quite important to me, you know!”

Kineya closed his eyes in deep thought, rolling the dough around in his hands.

“Oh!! Do you think he meant this dough feels like my chest?! Hmm, but…ahh, what do you think?”

“What?” Dan, completely incredulous, can barely get this single word out before being faced with Kineya’s almost completely bare chest. “Wh-Wh…”

“Are they similar? To this?”

“W-Why should I care?” Dan’s face turns bright red, “That’s between you two!”

“A trainee must defer to his master! I must know what you think!”

“Ugh…” Defeated, Dan closes his eyes. He slowly reaches out a single finger, firmly poking Kineya’s frankly massive chest. “Y-Yeah. Somehow…”

“Wow! That’s fantastic! Vanilla is truly so smart, isn’t he?” Kineya jumps back, pleased. “I should make these super big, then…they will be more accurate that way, right? Ah, maybe a red bean flavor would be the most like me, too?”

“Do whatever you want…” At least this whirlwind of events was almost over.

After adding in a copious amount of red bean flavoring , Kineya gathers up his three large, misshapen dango and proudly hands them over to Dan, who skewers them together himself. A red bean dango, finally completed. It's not perfect, it's far too big, but Kineya seems to be quite happy with it. Dan sighs, just happy to be done with this whole thing. “There. I’ll pack these up and send over the instructions I wrote down, along with a few ingredients…maybe your boyfriend can learn from it.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you very much!” Kineya’s voice has left Dan’s ears ringing…he just wants to sleep after all of this.

“Gather up the mochi you were messing with earlier, too. You can just take them.” The less Dan remembers of this whole incident, the better. The poor mochi are completely ruined, anyways…Kineya’s ungentle grip molded them into strange new shapes, all of Dan’s personal artistry completely disrespected. “Just…please don’t come back.”

“Wow, how kind! There are so many! I cannot wait to see Vanilla’s face after I bring home all of this!” Oblivious, Kineya bows deeply at Dan’s offer. “You have my deepest gratitude, sir!”

With no further words, Dan hands over the less-than-carefully packed box of mochi to Kineya, the giant man bowing once more before clumsily heading out, already unsure of where to go.

One can only wonder how long it’ll take for him to make it back home. The sun has completely set now, and the crowds have shifted deeper into the city. Perhaps the sense of pride Kineya feels will help guide him home, or at least prevent him from getting so frustrated over his complete lack of direction…though that seems quite unlikely.