Mushroom Boom

Mushrooms… it HAD to be mushrooms, didn’t it?! Chaoshin stared out the window of his home as he squeezed the fluffy Stellaram in his nubby arms. The softness of the wool was but a minor comfort to the Greed Succubun right now. He hated mushrooms! No, correction: He didn’t mind looking at them occasionally, or seeing them in aesthetically composed photographs, but he hated eating them and loathed the very idea of having to touch any. Especially the ones that were mercilessly taking over his garden. Get those things far away from him, PLEASE!

“Benny, save me, I don’t want to deal with them!”

The Succubun gave one of his most favorite Imps another squeeze, desperately trying to keep calm. You can’t deal with a problem without a level head after all! At least he couldn’t, and he had plenty of experience to base it on. Come on… deep breaths… surely there was a solution to this.

From what he could tell at a glance, they were all common types. None of them seemed particularly valuable. He hadn’t seen any of the psychedelic ones that seemed awfully popular right now, and he didn’t much care to check for edibility. If the market wasn’t being flooded with mushrooms right now, he might have considered picking and sorting them for sale, but that option was dead in the water. Or in this case, dead in the rain?

“Benny, can’t you and the menagerie just… eat them away? You guys all love to steal away my food anyway, can’t you just take care of this for me?”

He left the window and sat onto the nearby desk chair, Benny the Stellaram giving the tiniest baa noise in response. Chaoshin hugged it closer as he frowned, grinding his fangs in frustration. He was pretty sure that was a no from his beloved pet. Probably better that way, because who knows how his Imps might mutate if they did eat the stuff. What a horrifying thought to have a little army of mushroom imps in his home! No, thank you!

The worst part though, was the fact that these mushrooms were popping up all over his garden. Not just a corner here or there, but everywhere! And as far as he knew they were all worthless! Though he supposed that some of them might be poisonous, or worse, stinky, which would put them squarely into the less than worthless category! He had yet to check out the situation in his garden thoroughly, but as far as he was concerned it was just a fucking PLAGUE!

Eugh… and on top of it all, this was so beneath him! He should just pay somebody to take care of it for him, but… that shit’s expensive for the bit of work any buns would be doing in his garden! Especially now with demands on the rise! His stingy, little heart was breaking at the idea of paying a premium price, just because demand was high right now! That and he had a feeling that any removal services were flooded with requests already and might not even be able to come over at all!

EUGH! He was left to his own devices with this, wasn’t he? The Stellaram was squeezed more thoroughly as Chaoshin began to rub his cheek against the soft wool, looking for comfort as much as he did distraction from his spiralling thoughts. There had to be a solution for this!

FIRE! No… no… First of all, as tempting as it was to see these loathsome things burn, the chances of his entire home burning down with it were way too big! And second of all, it was raining too much for the fire to take anyway. No, no, fire was out of the question, no matter how much he wanted to make it happen – and admittedly the urge was rather big. Probably because wrath was one of his favorite sins. Oh the urge to take righteous anger out on a deserving victim! Siiiigh…

Wait! No! Digressing! Stop that! Back to the problem at hand: Getting rid of the mushrooms! He was a researcher, a man of knowledge! So instead of getting all worked up about this thing not worthy of his time – albeit very much worthy of his ire – he should use his talents to help solve the issue! Surely there was some gardening information he could find!

Chaoshin set Benny onto his lap, allowing idle hands to pet the softness of the wool as he began to dig into a couple online articles on his computer. Then a few videos… and ultimately a couple of books he had in his library. A couple hours, one nap, a lil smoochie to Benny’s head and a trip to the Garden Store later, the Succubun was out in a raincoat with a couple of newly acquired tools.

“Now I’m ready for you fuckers!”

With a bit of a maniacal laughter he walked through the garden, scoping out the situation. As much as he wanted to just go ham, he needed to be strategic about this. Disturbing the mushrooms too much would likely spread their spores all around and cause an even bigger issue.

He found a spot that looked easily accessible and began his work. First was the trowel, he had to dig up as much of the mushroom as possible. Then the mushroom went into a plastic bag to prevent spores from going everywhere. Lastly he sprayed some diluted dish soap onto the spot the mushroom had been and around the closer area. He had considered aerating the garden as well, but that wouldn’t do him any good while the weather was nothing but constant rain. He would have to check about water drainage after he was done with the mushrooms, but that was something to worry about later.

Mushroom by mushroom he continued to work in his garden, and as much as he hated to be doing this, and as much as he felt disgusted by touching the mushrooms, it was pure spite that fueled him to continue his work hour by hour. Or at least it did until he stumbled over something he didn’t expect to find.

It looked as if a couple of imps had settled among a particularly big bed of mushrooms, imps he had never seen before and…

“CUUUUUTE!!!!”

Chaoshin gasped out in delight as his eyes landed upon three Snell imps. They were some of the most delightful imps he had ever had the privilege of meeting. The urge to kill mushrooms was suddenly replaced by a mighty need to own these little guys!

“You guys came to the right garden! I’ll take good care of you!”

Even if that meant he would have to leave some of the mushrooms alive for them. They seemed to like the current environment, so it would make sense to keep some of them around at least. Hhhmm… actually… he had been thinking about making a little area for his imps in the garden for a while now… Not all of them really enjoyed being inside of the house as much as they did outside… Perhaps this was a good opportunity to get started on that!

It would take a couple days to get it all done, but as he looked around the garden for a good spot, he was already brainstorming ideas for a little pond, a mushroom area, space for running around, maybe incorporate a tree and some bushes for fun hiding places? An aviary for the flying imps would be good too, wouldn’t it? A little farming patch for the Pampki? The ideas were brewing!

Considering that he was an avid collector of things that caught his interest, he already knew that his imp collection was bound to grow. Surely it was a good idea to create an environment the imps would enjoy and they could be trained in. And while the indoor accommodations were more than adequate, perhaps he could dedicate an entire room to them? Set it up for play and relaxation… YES! An excellent idea! The imps would be happy, and he would have a fun little project to dedicate time to when he was off work.

He just had to finish with the plague first, and thankfully he already knew which corner of the garden would get to keep its mushrooms. Less work for him! Just had to take these imps over there, so they could be safe while he worked.

Thankfully it looked like these new imps were rather slow and relaxed so it was easy to just pick them up and carry them to safety. With a beaming smile he shared some gentle affections with the critters as he gave each of them a name.

“Speedy, Snugg and Springy! You guys stay here for now, I just gotta finish something first!”

What began with spite, was now continued with a sense of eager determination and perhaps a little playfulness as well, though just to be clear – the spite was still there.