Hot Hot Coffee

Siobhan was embarking on a dangerous quest today. Outside her favorite pop-up cafe, what sat on the counter before her was a concoction that no bun had ever previously attempted before. The ultimate spicy hot coffee — beans ground together with the oils of the spiciest pepper one could grow in Burrowgatory. As a coffee connoisseur, Siobhan had made it a point every March to try each and every one of the crazy drinks this cafe would come up with: the banana steamed lattes, the quadruple espressos, the walls of caramel, coffees mixed with juices, sodas, vegetable oils — though none were as perilous as this horrific creation. Even the steam wafting from the cup was enough to bring tears to her eyes, and the reddish hue to what was usually a black brew was deeply unsettling.

Pump looked up from his Imp-uppcino — that was, a small, imp sized cup of whipped cream — with a slight hint of worry for his master. He could likely feel her nervous energy, and so he let out a quiet whine of concern, catching Siobhan’s attention. She gave him a gentle smile in return, and reached out to comfort him with a pet. “Don’t worry, Pump,” she cooed, “I’ll be okay.”

Although she’d said that..would she though? Sure, the drink was likely safe for bun consumption, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t have any sort of effect on her mouth, let alone on her body. Although she adored trying any kind of coffee, she wasn’t exactly the most tolerant to spice. She had made sure to order a side of both oat milk and water, just in case, but would that be enough to save her from the extreme heat? Maybe it would have been better to not order it at all, and save her stomach from the punishment she was about to inflict upon it.

‘No,’ she thought, ‘you’ve come this far. You’ve never turned down a cup of coffee in your life, and today is not going to be that day.’ Siobhan stood from her seat, pacing back and forth as she worked up the strength in her mind to take a sip. 

Perhaps it wouldn’t be that bad. Maybe she was just psyching herself up over the heat. Advertising was always dramatic, especially during March, when every food truck and pop-up stand was trying to one up each other in weirdness. Perhaps the claim of being the Burrowgatory’s spiciest coffee was just a gimmick to get food bloggers and spice enthusiasts to come by and check out the cafe, only to be disappointed when the coffee was only mildly, albeit pleasantly spicy. Siobhan had tried spicy hot chocolates before, and those were perfectly tolerable to her. So surely, surely this coffee sitting in front of her was the same. The coffee had only been ground with the oils of the pepper, and not the pepper itself, so it couldn’t be that bad!

Siobhan sat back down, and gave her imp one last pet on his round body for moral support. Though Pump was giving her those nervous eyes again, she tried her best to ignore them, instead taking the cup in her paws. ‘Just a sip. Just a tiny sip.’ That’s all she needed to try. Just one sip. Gingerly, she brought the cup up to her lips, and took a sip.

What hit first was the familiar rich taste of a perfect cup of joe. Bold, bright, and comforting. The sip seemed to warm Siobhan’s very soul, as if she were meeting up with an old friend. ‘Yes’, she thought, ‘this is exactly what coffee should taste like.’ She expected nothing less from her favorite pop up shop.

Lulled into a false sense of security by such a normal tasting coffee, Siobhan was woefully unprepared for what would happen next. That warmth in her chest began to intensify gradually, rising up into her throat and mouth. A burning heat that snuck up on her. By the time the pepper oil had reached its full intensity, Siobhan was already arrogantly going for a second, bigger sip. She covered her mouth to cough, finding that doing so only worsened the sharp burning taste. Face flushed and eyes watering, she searched desperately for her backup relief. Milk, water, anything! 

Somehow, in her teary, blurry-eyed state, Siobhan managed to grab hold on one of the cups she suspected to be her milk or water. She was quick to upturn the cup and slurp down whatever was inside. A cool, light substance soon soothed her aching throat, and after a few minutes she was finally able to collect herself. Only then did she see that her milk and water were still sitting where she had left them, perfectly full.

…Wait, if she didn’t drink either of them, then what did she...?

Pump whined loudly again, prompting Siobhan to look down and see the small Imp-uppcino cup in her hand.

“…Sorry, Pump. I guess we should both get new drinks.”