Renewal

In the Heavenly Meadow, gardening was never a time spent in idle contemplation. Vanna remembered singing to fresh sprouts and vibrant blooms alike with their peers, cooing at how well the plants have grown from the combined might of the cherubuns’ love and the gentle rays of the sun. It was a joyous, playful sight; even now, as Vanna reminisced on those carefree memories, they couldn’t help but smile wistfully. In the meadow, where flowers grew in abundance as far as the eye could see, tending to the plants wasn’t such a serious thing. They were all around them, after all—should a flower wither and die, there would always be more to take its place. To think that a simple thing like that could be a comfort was never something that Vanna could imagine.

But they did so now.

As Vanna slowly acclimated to Burrowgatory, they found that Primrose had grown less tolerant of their “lazing about”, as he’d sternly put it when giving them another lecture. Concerned that the little cherubun’s trips to the city down below were leading them to a slothful lifestyle, the head of the embassy was quick to start assigning tasks to him to help out around the place and keep busy. Vanna didn’t argue. In reality, they were originally glad for the work; those trips to the city were attempts at trying to learn more of the lives of succubuns and figure out how they could be of use to them, and as the days passed Vanna felt more and more at a loss. Could they bring anything of use to Burrowgatory? They could think of nothing. Maybe helping out around the embassy would help them clear their mind.

Today, Primrose had told Vanna that they would be helping out in the greenhouse gardens for the next few days. The flowers within were precious, and had to be taken care of for the sake of all the cherubuns who would lay their roots down in Burrowgatory.

“We must ensure that the gardens are well cared for,” Primrose had said as he handed a set of gardening tools to Vanna. “Our lives do depend on it, so try to be careful when planting those seeds.”

Vanna hadn’t realized the absurdity of what Primrose had said until they were already in the greenhouse, cupping a handful of seeds like they were the most important thing in the world. Because to a cherubun in Burrowgatory, they were. Although their long lives had been given back to them, a longer lifespan wouldn’t save you from getting sick, and if a sickness was bad enough it could snuff out the lives of many cherubuns. Ambrosia was truly a precious resource now, and Vanna felt a twinge of anxiety as he moved to an empty plot of soil to begin planting. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much he’d taken for granted in the Heavenly Meadow, but even worse, he couldn’t stop thinking, and it made him keenly aware of how unprepared he truly was to follow his dream.

How could he feel satisfaction in a longer life lived, if he didn’t even know what to do with himself?

The more Vanna thought, the more he regretted agreeing to completing these tasks for Primrose. If he was in Burrowgatory, he could take his mind off of things with pleasant chatter and new experiences, but here he was in the gardens of the embassy, alone with his thoughts as he leveled the soil until it was perfectly flat. The notions ‘I don’t know what to do’ and ‘Maybe Melangel was right’ began to fill his head until he could think of nothing else, and just when he was about to give up and call it quits—

“Um…hello?”

Vanna didn’t remember closing his eyes. Opening them, he turned to the newcomer who had caught him off guard, and his brows raised in surprise. “You’re…”

It was the little nun from the church! Vanna remembered him—many days ago, when Mercy had shown him and some of his peers around the church, this nun had tucked himself away behind a column as he watched them with eyes as wide as saucers. He’d clearly been taken by the new arrivals, and Vanna in turn found the way he peeked at them to be cute, so he smiled at him…and then waved goodbye when they moved on. At the time, Vanna thought that maybe they would be able to meet again.

The nun stood before them now, a blush on his face and a scowl that did not match the way he excitedly blurted out, “Eden! My name is Eden. It’s nice to…to finally meet you.” Eden had a white-knuckled grip on the dress he wore as his eyes darted between Vanna’s face and the exotic flowers all around them, the plants glittering beneath the soft crystal lights.

“Oh. Hello, Eden. I’m happy we can speak to one another now.” Vanna tried to give him their best smile, although their heart wasn’t really in it. They were too busy trying to rid themselves of those awful thoughts from earlier. But this was good—company was good. Maybe this would help them get better.

“I wanted to see the greenhouse, but Primrose said he would be too busy for it. He said someone was already here, and that I should go see them. Are you…” He stared at Vanna’s hands for a moment, and it was only then that the cherubun noticed that their hands had been shaking as they held the seeds tight. They tried to relax their hands as Eden continued, “are you planting new flowers? Can I…help you?”

“You want to help me…?” Vanna looked surprised when Eden nodded enthusiastically in response.

“More than that. I-I want to be your friend, and friends help friends. Primrose told me all about how important these flowers are to you all. It must be scary, doing all of this alone.”

Vanna’s eyes widened, and they felt their face get hot as they briefly looked away from Eden. It must be scary, doing all of this alone. It was! And it was a little scary to feel so seen in the moment, too. But Eden was right. Friends helped friends; Vanna didn’t have to do all of this alone. They never did. Vanna blinked away unshed tears and took a deep breath before turning back to Eden again, a genuine, gentle smile on their face once more as they replied, “Yes. I would like that very much, Eden.”

+++

Now that Eden was around, Vanna’s earlier thoughts dwindled away until they were nothing but specks. With the soil already leveled, all they would need to do was plant the seeds and then water them. They talked about anything and everything as they planted, from the church and Burrowgatory to the Heavenly Meadow and its plants; Eden, hanging onto every word that Vanna said, asked them about the flowers in the greenhouse and the ones that they were planting.

“Are they all for ambrosia?” Eden asked.

“Oh, no. Some are for tea—we love our tea. What about you, Eden?”

Eden smiled—wow, he really is cute!—and nodded. “I love it too. I wonder how different your blends taste compared to ours.”

“Hmm, now that’s something I haven’t considered before…”

“When you’re not busy in the embassy, let’s go to a teahouse together. I know a few good ones, and there are some I still want to go to, too. It would be fun if we could try everything together.”

Vanna clapped their hands together in delight. “Ooh, that sounds like a wonderful idea! And when the flowers here are ready for harvesting, I can take some for you to try with me!”

Was that another blush on Eden’s face? “Yes…I’d like that a lot.”

+++

In no time at all, the seeds were all planted in uniform rows and watered. After tidying up, Vanna said their goodbyes to Eden, and the two promised that they would see each other again soon. With a heart several times lighter and a pep in their step, Vanna decided to retire for the day. They were looking forward to the days to come—they didn’t need to overthink things, and they didn’t need to try and figure everything out alone. They had a network of support here in the Heavenly Embassy, and new friends down below to turn to when he needed guidance.

Everything would be alright