Strange Cravings

It wasn’t often that Julian awoke without his partner being next to him, but it seemed today was one of those days as his hands came up empty as he reached out. It seemed the other had been awake for a while since where he should be was cold. Ersa loved his sleep, loved being sprawled out, buried in their nest without a care in the world. Unfortunately, his main partner had recently been restless due to his pregnancy and Julian was waking up alone more than he would like. Stretching, Julian slowly climbed out of bed, noting that the imps basket was also empty.

Padding out of the bedroom, he heard some noises coming from the kitchen, so naturally he headed towards it.

“You okay babe?” He mumbled sleepily, scratching an ear as he leant down to press a kiss to the top of Ersa’s head. As he straightened back up, his nose twitched, picking on a, well, how would he even describe it? Interesting? Smell. “Making breakfast!” Ersa replied brightly, motioning to the kitchen table, as Julian absent mindedly ran a hand over his imp’s head.

“What” Julian said slowly, “the fuck” his eyebrows furrowing “is that?” He asked as he leaned a little closer to the strange and stinky thing that was currently occupying a plate. Julian knew pregnancy often resulted in unusual craving but this surpassed unusual. This was just a down right bloody monstrosity. He knew it was supposed to be some kind of food, but it just didn’t make sense! Even his faithful cygnette, Odette, was unimpressed with whatever it was and she ate anything!

Licking his lips, Julian slowly tilted his head, giving the snack a final confused look before turning to look over at Ersa. He honestly wasn’t quite sure what else to say. Ersa, his currently pregnant partner sighed, stamping a foot in annoyance. “It’s a gherkin, bacon* and peanut butter sandwich, with flaming hot cheese poofs on the side.” Skellybo seemed incredibly interested in the disgusting mix, dancing around Ersa’s hooves and trying to see how much he could stretch up. Maybe if he went just a little further, he could get a taste… Julian kind of hoped that the imp could snatch the meal away, maybe he could sneakily edge the plate closer to the edge.

Julian blinked, three maybe four times as he tried to let that sink in. A gherkin, bacon* and peanut butter sandwich… Opening his mouth, Julian managed to make a strange, strangled sort of noise before closing it again, shaking his head in disbelief. Odette hissed at the so called sandwich in disgust and honestly, Julian kind of wanted to hiss at it too. Skellybo just continued to beg, Julian questioned the imps’ sense of smell.

He’d heard that pregnant buns could get weird cravings, he’d even briefly examined the pop-ups and food trucks in Burrowgatory in the past years. But never in his life had he ever thought he’d be facing down something like this. Ersa normally made such delectable meals; pasta dishes that were to die for, hearty stews and perfectly light salads. He’d even started baking his own bread fresh every week, and had admittedly ruined most store-bought breads for Julian.

“I’m not entirely sure that’s actually edible, Ersa.” He gave a small laugh, “Maybe we could put it in the fridge and get something a little more…. normal?”

“Oh come on Julian, try it.” Ersa moved the plate closer to the other, giving him an encouraging look. The lavender and teal bun offered up his plate eagerly, wafting the… Oh in Murmur’s name, had he cooked the gherkin? Oh, nope… The whole sandwich had been toasted in a pan. The smell of hot peanut butter and gherkin was overwhelming.

Julian tilted his head, pretending to actually be thinking about trying the vile concoction for a moment so as to not offend his partner.. “Uh, no.” He flashed Ersa a smile. “Thank you, Little Moon, but I’ll leave that all for you.”

“Well, you’re missin’ out.” Ersa practically purred. Julian was forced to watch in horror as his partner took an obscenely large bite of his sandwich. Julian had found a never layer of hell. The gherkin, bacon* and peanut butter sandwich, with flaming hot cheese poofs on the side layer.


*Plant-based bacon style rashers made from soy and pea protein. Cheese is soy and nutritional yeast