To Nest (To Nap)

Tomoki’s not trying to make this harder on himself even though he knows it’s that time of the year. It's easy to nest even if he has only a few things of comfort. Nevermind how Tomoki has deadlines these days. He tells himself that even if the bed in the corner of his eye is something that seems to taunt him by the minute. Temptation is hard to push down when you’re working in the same environment as he is. After all, all Tomoki needs to do is to turn around to lie down for a bit. He’ll get no words done there and there’s deadlines these days, thank you very much. Self imposed deadlines because otherwise, words simply do not exist. Except– except his apartment’s cold with how close he sits close to the window, all a feeble attempt to work instead of laying in his bed all day. Perhaps this year will be different. 

It will not be different. He’s damn tired and he knows it. 

You could say he’s lonely instead. It fits better. After all, it’s been how many days since he’s brought someone over? A month? 

(He’s stupid that he can go against his instincts. This happens to be one of those days actually.)  

One of these days he’s going to get a heater, he tells himself. That’s a lie, of course, Tomoki won’t ever remember when the next day rolls around. Hare-brained. 

The thing is, Tomoki likes to think that he knows himself pretty well, at least knows his body well enough to know when he needs to stop pounding words onto paper. Normally, it’s when typos start showing up. Now? It’s more like an ache deep in his bones telling him to stop. To take a break because he’s written enough. 

No he hasn’t. It’s a hundred words of a beginning that will be thrown out the next time he opens up the document. 

Except, it’d be nice to take a break. Tomoki can regret it later as he eyes his bed once more. 

Fuck it. He’s been writing long enough, perhaps too long and he should take this. Pushing this only means that his body’s going to kick him harder. And Tomoki doesn’t want to deal with what could happen if he doesn’t take this break. Or well, indulge in his urge to nest. Just for a few hours. 

If he really needs the whole short story done tomorrow, he’ll stay awake and have his editor deal with whatever happens next or write from his bed. For now, Tomoki will simply peel off his clothing to lay on his bed. There’s a few plushies on the side of the bed. All of them are handmade. Tomoki can still feel the needle pricking his hands as he looks at them. 

They’re a comfort even if nothing else is. A reminder that he can make things that mean things to people, even if it’s a few dolls on the side of the bed with their slightly off beady eyes. One of these days, Tomoki tells himself he'll bring someone into his humble abode to brighten the place up. Maybe warm it up too. 

It’s a nice thought. 

He rather likes it and entertains it in his mind as it wanders to what could be. To bring someone else into his little apartment where the floor creaks and to see his desk where there’s too many notes. The scribbles of someone possessed by too many ideas than they will ever be able to write in a lifetime. Well, it’s a good thing he’s not aging anytime soon. 

Tomoki turns on the bed, feels it creak on his weight and breathes in as he covers himself with half of the blanket before dragging one of his larger plushies towards himself. He’s had previous partners claim that he’s one with a death grip as he sleeps. A habit that he’s never grown out of. 

“I wish you weren’t a plush sometimes,” he says to the plush that only stares back at him with a beady eye. At least the blankets are getting warmer through this. “It’d be less lonely. And you’d talk back.” 

Now, Tomoki will know what happens when he closes his eyes for a nap. There are two options in what will happen: 

1. He has no dreams. Wake up and remember nothing only to realize that he’s napped for too long. 
2. Tomoki gets clobbered by a new idea and still needs to remove himself from the bed that he doesn’t want to move from. 

The thing is that he’s heard a saying about how nothing’s more comfortable than lying down. For now, Tomoki concedes because they’re damn right. There’s nothing better than staying in bed during this time of year even if he could plot his ambitious projects for fame during this time. As if he won’t fall asleep before then. It’s just comfortable to have a cocoon of warmth around him. 

The plush in his arms is also a nice comfort, something comforting with its soft texture where he can squish it to ease off some of the tension in his body. Tomoki’s not sure how long he’s been writing. Four hours? Five? All he knows is that his eyes are dry and his bones ache as he closes his eyes. This is a damn nice nest even if a bit barren. Again, Tomoki wonders if he could get someone to join him one of these days. 

He’ll worry about whatever comes next after a nap.