[Gift] Did you mean it?

As Rowan moves stiffly throughout the burrowgatory streets, rain begins to slip from the high cavern clouds. He’s heard other buns state that weather has matched their mood before, usually he’d scoff at it and call it childish. However, he seems to be experiencing that right now. Rowan is many things, but he would like to think that ‘coward’ wasn’t on that list.

The walk to Ignitions is long and it gives him far too much thinking time. When it comes down to schemes and business, well, thinking time is excellent for Rowan. When it comes to anything else…thinking can be a cage, and Rowan is nothing if not a wounded animal.

The more he walks the more he realises the situation is quite dire. He realises he is genuinely afraid to lose Aria. This whole time he had been spending time with the both of them and he hadn’t even realised he may actually like their company. They always put up with him despite him always ‘giving nothing , go girl’ as Ignition puts it. As he finally reaches the building entrance he realises he may even be…slightly concerned about losing Ignition.

It wasn’t the same as situations of the past when he looked back on things. Ignition gets frustrated with him, sure, but he’s never had malicious intent. He’s never said anything venomous, certainly he’s never meant anything harsh. The situation he’s in now is horrifying for Rowan. It’s terrifying to his core because every time he’s had a huge fight with friends or partners…they leave, and he gets hurt. If he can’t fix this he’ll be enduring the same cycle over and over. He’s already made it up to the door already, his brain is taking up all conscious thinking space for worrying at the moment.

He knocks on the door, half expecting Ignition not to be here. Maybe he should’ve taken his chance at Damon’s bar first-

“Fuck off.”

There’s a harsh voice from behind the door, it doesn’t creak open, Doesn’t even jolt a little. Rowan is certain the keyhole has betrayed his identity long before his voice would.

“Ignition-“

“No.” The voice snapped and Rowan jolts a little.

“Just let me inside. I don’t want to argue or chat through a door and disturb the neighbours.” Rowan sighs. After a pause the neighbour comment seems to have won Ignition over briefly, the door opens a crack but no further. Rowan steps inside and clicks it shut behind him.

Ignition is standing on the very far end of the room. His eyes are trained like a hawks onto Rowan and his posture is uncharacteristically tense. He also notices the signs of crying on the others man’s face and he isn’t sure he can do this.

“So, What? You’re here to kick me when i’m fucking down?” Ignition snaps.

Rowan also suddenly realises that he’s never seen Ignition angry before. He’s always smiling it seems. He’s been irritated or short with him before but…never angry.

“No, I’m here to make peace-“

“FUCK YOUR PEACE.” Ignition spat, flame on his horn and tail flaring up a little with his raise in volume. “You don’t get to make peace. You don’t get to do that. You barged in here. You made the comment. So why don’t you fucking go back to Aria and plan your next partner. Since you have a new demondamn vacancy.”

“Look. I know i fucked up. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you i just-“ Rowan is trying to get the words out fast enough for Ignition to hear.

“SHUT UP! Yes it fucking was. I’m tired Rowan. I’m fucking exhausted. I care about you so much but that doesn’t mean i’m going to sit and take being used as that kind of gutteral punching bag. I have fucking feelings contrary to your beliefs and i don’t like getting them hurt. You never try. You never let your guard down. Everything is a fucking battle with you and i don’t have the energy to fight anymore.” Ignitions voice had trailed to a cool, barely stable and more intense anger.

For some reason, Rowan had never considered that Ignition cared about him. In his mind he had only managed to understand that Aria did. He kind of thought Ignition was just putting up with him for her sake. The horror of this being one of those ending fights creeps up to Rowans chest and squeezes painfully.

“Ignition, For fuck sake, I didn’t mean it-“

Ignition marches over to Rowan and glares at him, two fists thumping on his chest. For a man who was upset he was banging Rowan very gently in his chest area.

“It doesn’t fucking matter that you didn’t mean to! You did! There’s a massive difference between intent and impact, they teach that to baby buns in fucking Murmurs hall. It’s not hard!” He ends up just banging his head into Rowans shoulder and sniffling softly. “Why do you have to make it so hard?”

“I don’t know” Rowan mutters, he pauses a little and frowns. “I didn’t want. To get hurt.”

Ignition doesn’t say a word. He’s completely silent.

“Giving a shit about you, about Aria. It poses risk to me. Risk that has maybe fucked me up in the past. It was easier to push you away, in hopes that you’d both give up and move on. When i’m alone i’m not at risk. So…I maybe lash out at you in order to get you to quit. I’m hard on you because it felt necessary. I’d given up with pushing Aria because she always bounced back. You always gave an irritated attitude and you were right to do that, but i clearly didn’t realise how resilient you are…and that made saying mean shit easier to do because it felt like i couldn’t do any harm. And i’m sorry.”

“Did…did you just apologise?” The thickness of past tears hadn’t gone from Ignitions voice but did Rowan hear…a little laugh in that tone?

“Yes. I did.”

“Snrk. Rowan the sinless succubun just admitted he fucked up and APOLOGIZED?”

Rowan feels his face growing hot and he chokes a little with surprise “Shut up, Ignition”

“I’m afraid you’re going to have to make me.” Ignition removes his head from Rowans shoulder and rolls his eyes.

Rowan considers covering the other dolls mouth with his hand but another idea slides into his mind, and he finds it more favourable.

He kisses Ignition before the smaller man can get another word out. He’s sure it would be all mockery anyway.

Ignition pushes at his chest slightly after the kiss ends, face growing dark.

“You. Weren’t supposed to do that” Ignition coughed. He pauses and pinches Rowans arm roughly.

“OW-WHAT WAS THAT FOR?”

“That? Was for cutting me deep at my insecurities.” Ignition crosses his arms

“Right. That’s fair. Should we return to Aria? Or am i going to have her stay hurt as well?” Rowan sighs at his own incompetence.

“Dunno…” Ignitions eyes slide towards the bedroom pointedly. He waits for Rowans reaction and grins, punching him very gently on the arm and giggling “You really considered my proposal for a second didn’t you?”

Rowan goes way darker than before and coughs a little, choking and stumbling over his words as he follows Ignition out of the door “I-I didn’t-“