Guilty Pleasure | Loneliness Solution

Gallagher looked at the male in front of him, supremely confused. Sure, he expected a bit of confusion every time he hung out with Cazper. He was so much more modern, more in tune with the contemporary burrowgatory- and all Gallagher really knew was marine impology and enough of the basics to be an effective educator. He knew even less about the ways that the modern bun coped with loneliness, which Cazper was more than an expert on. He had stated that he had been struggling with a lack of close romantic connections, and Cazper had the solution immediately- even though Gallagher wasn't buying it- partially due to some questions.

"ASMR? Really, Cazper? I don't know what someone cutting up soap or tapping a microphone to cause autonomous sensory meridian responses has to do with combating loneliness." Gallagher sighed. He frowned as Cazper laughed at him, tapping on his phone as he responded. "No, not like that, Galla! I'm talking about some NSFW BFE M4M ASMR, totally different!" The older male tilted his head. Great, even more letters that he had no idea about. Cazper seemed to realize his mistake after he saw the other envy bun's expression. "Sorry, used to using the abbreviated terminology. You're a bit of a prude all things considered, so you probably don't even know what NSFW is, do you?" Gallagher shook his head. "I... Can't say that I do. I've seen the term on the internet, but I haven't exactly looked into it much." Cazper found himself giggling again, but lightly punched himself in the arm to get himself to stop, not wanting to bully Gallagher, even unintentionally. "Okay, well that's fine. I'll try to explain it at a reasonable pace."

"I highly doubt that." Gallagher snarked, and Cazper smirked. "Cool it, old man. Unless you really don't want me to explain this." The taller male found himself letting out a sigh. He didn't want to admit it directly, but he was desperate for different coping mechanisms for the loneliness. Those around his age that he knew typically were either already married or completely content with bouncing from one-night stand to one-night stand, or at the very least had enough confidence to go on dates often. He waved his hand as a cue for Cazper to continue with his explanation. 

The younger envy bun sat himself down next to Gallagher in such a way that he could show him his phone, currently with Buntube pulled up and ready to go. "Okay, so the most important thing is that M4M means Male for Male, so those will be the ones that you want I imagine. M4A is Male for Anyone, Audience, or Androgynous- depends on who you ask- those are fine too. I know you're absolutely not a woman, so try to avoid M4F, which you can probably guess the translation. I don't know how you feel about romance with women, so F4M is an option too." Gallagher hummed, seemed simple enough. "I see, and I suppose that any further complexities are based upon that base?" Caz nodded in response. "Yeah, you got it! So, if you look here, you'll see that I pulled up a bunch of M4M Audios, and if we scroll for a bit..."

Gallagher watched as Cazper scrolled down, looking over the various titles and thumbnails of the videos in the search. He didn't know that this... semi-narrative talking video was so popular. "These are... very interesting titles..." Gallagher spoke, mostly to himself. "Oh yeah, sometimes they can be kinda weird. I'm sure we can find something good for you though... If you see anything interesting, just tell me. I'm just... trying to find something specific..." More scrolling, and more titles flying by. None of them interested him too much, as they seemed to appeal to those around Cazper's age bracket, early to mid 20s. After all, 'Jealous Burrowmate corners you after coming home late' isn't exactly something he could find himself relating to or wanting... well, a jealous bun wanting him would be attractive admittedly, but not in that situation.  

After another minute, Cazper stopped his thumb's movement over his phone. "Aha! There it is!" Gallagher looked to where his thumb was pointing. It had all the acronyms that he had said out loud before, and the actual title made his eyes widen a little. 'Interrupting your College Teacher Boyfriend while he Grades Essays'. There were additional notes in brackets, and Gallagher could only assume that they were additional notes about the video. One that stood out to him specifically was the 'teacher x teacher' tag. He thought it was targeted for a moment, up until he remembered that Cazper didn't actually know he worked as an educator. "Damn, didn't expect to have to scroll that long to find an NSFW one. Which, for context, means Not Suitable For Work. Which in all honesty is just a fancy way to say it's porn, which actually is suitable for most workspaces, but it's typically in the context of office spaces where jerking off on the clock isn't allowed unless you're fucking a higher-up." 

"So, it's... audio porn?" The question was a dumb one, and Gallagher knew he sounded a little stupid when he asked it.  "Yeah! Usually, they're posted on alternate sites in order for the voice actor to get paid or sometimes just to keep it all in one place and separate from their tame stuff." This all seemed... complex, but interesting. "I had no idea people did this kind of thing." Gallagher mused, and Cazper nodded. "Yeah, not many people do. It's not exactly the most popular type of content, and those who like it usually try to hide it. Especially when it comes to the BFE stuff." Another tilt of Gallagher's head. "Sorry, Boyfriend Experience- There's plenty of ASMR Roleplay videos that aren't really boyfriend experiences, and some find the ones that are a little more embarrassing sometimes. After all, admitting to someone that you get your personal attention from an anonymous voice on the internet isn't exactly going to get people to look at you too highly." 

Well, it wouldn't have been the first thing that Gallagher hid away because of shame. He didn't even know if he'd like it quite yet- maybe he'd find it unappealing once he actually got into it- but... it was certainly worth giving it a shot. He kept it in mind as Cazper put his phone away, the topic eventually switching to something much more of the two envy buns' norms. Particularly, Gallagher ends up talking about how every imp could swim if they made the attempt. The previous conversation faded from both of their minds, at least, for the time being.

---

Gallagher wanted to say that it didn't work on him, wanted to say that while he tried his best, this stuff didn't affect him. But if he said that, he'd be lying. He had barely started the video on his computer before he was blushing like mad. He knew that headphones were the correct way to experience something like this, but it only made the effects on him more intense- and therefore more embarrassing. The voice actor's voice was smooth and deep, moving from one side of his headset to the other, which definitely helped a few chills run down his spine. It was almost like there was another person there, talking to him. He shivered again when the recorded voice called him a bad boy, a brat, naughty, and even more similar words. However, despite the amount of interest he had in the video, he couldn't listen to the full thing. Once things started getting a bit too sexual, his mind almost completely shut down. As much as part of his mind wanted to hear what that voice sounded like being pleasured, wanted to hear dirty talk with that voice... he was far too shy to go ahead with it. 

Fuck, why was this so... embarrassing? It wasn't like anyone was around, even his harpups were already put to bed by this point in the evening. Still, he just couldn't bring himself to go any further, though he did save the video for future reference. His mind wandered along with his hands, typing away on his keyboard. Was he nervous because it was a public video uploaded by someone who, on the other end of the screen, was a real person? Or maybe he would just feel guilty being aroused by someone who would, if they met in reality, most likely find him unattractive. He continued to look around online, try to find something that maybe would make him feel a bit less guilty.

Eventually, he stumbled across a forum of sorts, clearly for others who liked this kind of thing. It had people offering scripts, voice actors reading those scripts, and of course there were some voice actors selling their services with commissions. He looked around his desk, as if checking to see if anyone was around, before clicking on the small 'sign up' button at the top of the site. He made sure to keep the account free of any of his personal information, but put just enough thought into it so it was obvious that the account wasn't some sort of bot- a trick he had learned from a tech professor once. 

It took him a while to actually gain the courage to create a new post on the forums, but after checking the rules multiple times over, going over his vocabulary, and perhaps a tiny swig of the salty grog sitting on his desk, he started typing. Muttering the words to himself as his hands went across the keys.

"Not very knowledgeable about this type of media, so apologies in advance for incorrect terminology or confusing wording. I am searching for creators who make audio roleplays where both the speaker and listener are educators of some capacity. Sorry for being so specific, but I admittedly have some kind of specified interest. Male audio for Men preferred, though I am willing to look at some Female for Male audio performances, though the speaker must be dominant no matter the gender presentation. Apologies to those who make submissive speaker audio recordings, I'm sure your work is great as well. No exact preferences for vocal types as I don't know the possible range of the community yet, but I have enjoyed some deep voices in the past. I don't know if being this specific is a bad thing in this case, so I'm sorry if it is. All potential help is incredibly appreciated, thank you in advance to anyone who comments." 

It was a simple request, no script offer or anything, just a question at the end of the day. He worded his request politely, perhaps a bit too politely considering the circumstances. After all, most people don't ask for porn while apologizing every other second. Once he had spaced out the words to be more digestible than a giant paragraph, his hand went to grab onto his mouse again. His finger hovered over the left button, reading the words he had written over and over again. Gallagher closed his eyes, this was stupid. He just needed to go to bed, not post something so embarrassing to the public. He was being too specific, and he sounded utterly pathetic throughout it all.  He lifted himself up, not noticing the pressure he was putting down on the desk with his hand as he moved to shut the computer's screen off.

Gallagher swore he had heard something before the computer screen shut off, but tried not to pay it any mind. After all, the only thing he had his hand on was the computer mouse- he probably would have been terrified at the thought of having accidentally clicked the mouse, but he was far too tired to notice. Instead, he stared at his face in the reflection of the powered-off monitor. His hand went to his cheek, then to his hair, up to his horns, and then all the way back down to his mouth, opening it and looking at his sharp teeth. He looked like the kind of man who would have this kind of guilty pleasure. At least through the anonymity of the internet, anyone he listened to would never actively know how he looked, and could never judge him for his appearance. And yet that still wasn't enough to get rid of the guilt overwhelming him in that moment.

He picked up his cell phone and took it to his bed, not even bothering to change into his pajamas before snuggling under the blankets next to some of his harpups. He looked through what he had pulled up, his own buntube search for audio content. Maybe the guilt would be lessened if he tried to listen to something calmer? He wondered for a moment, tapping the search bar and adding 'sleep aid' to his pre-existing search. He shouldn't have been surprised that there were plenty of videos to choose from. He found one that was a few hours long. 

'Boyfriend drags you to bed after a rough day at work.' He looked over the tags next to it. Sleep Aid, obviously, and a set of tags that seemed to point out noises throughout the video. Rain, Blanket Noises, Heartbeats, and Loafki purring- did people really get this lonely? Well, Gallagher knew the answer to that question, considering what he was about to do. He tapped the video's link, and set the phone next to his head. He tried to snuggle up to his pillow without accidentally knocking into the phone, which was much harder than it looked, but he got it eventually.

The voice in this one was deep... raspy, in some ways, but it didn't sound painful, just sleepy. It sounded nice, and hearing the small banter in the audio regarding overworking and the listener needing help taking care of their sleep habits was enough to make him giggle slightly as he started to doze off. The sound of rain was calming, and the simulated heartbeat would have made him able to imagine laying on someone's chest if his pillow wasn't as squishy as it was. And from the small cuddly movements of the harpups near him, they appreciated the loafki purring that made itself known every now and again. He felt less guilty, but still a bit ashamed. He would be foolish to think that it would go away entirely.

There was no doubt this would come back to haunt him over the next week if not for the next month, maybe even the next year. He wouldn't be surprised if this ended up being something that he needed to hide from everyone except for Cazper, even if he did wimp out of the more erotic stuff. But somehow, part of his brain found that he didn't particularly mind that. 

As for the post he accidentally made on that forum? Well, he'd be able to react as horrified as he'd like once he found out about it in the morning.