Beauty and the…

Akata - Dagasho

Blind dates. Now that’s something new… well, not NEW new, but… still. Dagasho frowned at the information card he held in his hand—a restaurant, a date, and a time… easy enough to follow from downtown Burrowgatory—and sighed.

In truth, this whole deal was amazing — some sorta "program" about meeting up on dates, yadda yadda yadda… Dagasho didn't need to read more than "all expenses paid", "free high class meal", and "extra income benefits" before he signed on without even reading the fine print… or remembering the name of this matchmaking program in the first place. Mary's Demons, he almost forgot about this appointment in the middle of all his other Matentines work but then the meeting details came in the mail and they sounded… really, REALLY familiar…

Dagasho distinctly remembered leaving his preferences open, so this whole fancy restaurant and formal wear shebang was the other party's idea. Now WHY didn't he put down preferences… Now he has to awkwardly walk into a place called "Le'Bunnierie" (What kind of name is that? Why does everyone look about as frumpy as Angora? Help?) in a suit and bowtie (The chafing sucks. The tightness sucks. The everything about this outfit sucks… but hey, it was only 10 carats from the discount rack at BunWill.) and actually remember how to use utensils properly.

"Hello sir, welcome to Le'Bunnierie. Do… you have a reservation?" Oh the valet dude was ABSOLUTELY judging Dagasho's shoddy and ill-fitting suit…
"Ah yeah, I'm here with the… uhh… the program thing. Table should be under… 'Red Rosé'?" Dagasho squinted at the details on the card, showing them to the valet… who returned with a sigh.
"I see… ah, yes sir. This way please… you'll be dining in the Midnight Suite."

Midnight suite? Now don't that sound fancy as fuck. But remember Dagasho… this is free… its being paid for… no guilt. No guilt! With a confident stride, Dagasho was guided forward to his table and when he saw the person who sat there…

"Oh dear sweet Murmur's Teat. Not like this…"

But he sat down in front of Anima anyway.
It's free… tax benefits, Dagasho. REMEMBER THE TAX BENEFITS!

Keito - Anima

‘How like him to be running late,’ Anima thought to herself as she crossed her legs, sitting back in her chair. Now a blind date with a stranger wasn’t to Anima’s taste at all. She much prefers to know everything about someone before meeting them, running background checks, doing a bit of internet stalking. However, this wasn’t just any blind date. 

When she had been approached by the Matentines Blind Date organization committee a few weeks back, she had no intention of signing up for the event whatsoever. She’d much rather enjoy a simple night in with her Sceils, her precious Rabebe Petunia, and a glass of red wine. But they were persistent. 

“Please ma’am, it’ll be fun, we promise!”

“I’m sure your matched date would be honoured to go on a date with a gorgeous lady like you!”

“Hoho… is that so?” Anima seethed, running one sharpened nail along the chin of one of the organizers, “If that’s the case, then I will be the one deciding on who my match will be, hmm? Now hand over the applicant list.” 

She took a quick scan through the unfamiliar names until stopping at one certain name. Her ruby red lips curved into a devious smile. 

“This one, I’ll take this one as my date,” she demanded, jabbing her finger into the page, “I won’t accept anyone else.”

The poor organizers’ eyes darted towards each other, then at Anima, cowering under her venomous glare like two little bunnies in the shadow of a snake.

“U-uh, yes ma’am! W-w-we’ll make sure of it!” 

“Thank you kindly, my dears” Anima smiled, satisfied, “We’ll set the date location for Le Bunnerie, all expenses paid, extra income benefits.”

-----------

Anima adjusted the neckline of her dress, making sure that her ample bosom and cleavage were on full display. As she looked up, she noticed a certain bun fumbling over the reservation with the host. It was her dear ex-husband, Dagasho, in a suit so uncharacteristically of him to wear, and looking quite uncomfortable in it. Dagasho entered their private room, the Midnight Suite, mouth agape as he realized who his date was.

“Yoohoo! Fancy seeing you here, Dagasho sweetie,” She said with a wave, “You’re looking lovely, where did you get that suit? BunWill?”

Akata - Dagasho

She’s lookin’ good, he’s lookin… less than fashionable. Great. Wonderful. Wait, Anima did events like this? You could see these thoughts plain as day through Dagasho’s expression as they passed through his mind as the waiter brought him a flute of water… Oh goodie, this was sparkling water. Yum yum yum… bubbles.

“Why yes I did, thank you for noticing. Now I know the openin’ questions to events like this are normally “Hi, hello, what do you do?” or “What sorta relationship ya lookin’ for?” but I think I’mma start off with a unique little question of… how in the great demon’s names did ya set this one up? I thought this was supposed ta be a… random sorta deal? Don’t pull no ‘oh it was totally random chance’ coz I know it ain’t! And I thought ya didn’t do things like this in any case… jeez woman, yer out here givin’ old men heart attacks.”

Dagasho awkwardly tugged at the collar of his suit… he didn’t know it, but his bowtie was crooked and HAD been crooked the entire time; no, adjusting his collar didn’t help. At least the servers were quick to bring out the first of… hell’s bells, was that nine courses? This was so fancy… so out of his league. First up was a… how do you read that. Hours-doh-uvers? It was a platter of little tiny sandwiches that were about the width of Dagasho’s massive fingers.

… they were good, though. No, Sho wasn’t below eating so rudely when 1) this was being paid for and 2) he knew the other person.

“Anyways… was it the tax benefits or somethin’? Last time we saw each other I knew ya were complainin’ about somethin’ or other with yer business…”

Keito - Anima

“Oh my, Dagasho, you really do know me too well,” Anima took a dainty sip of her champagne, “but let me turn this on you, I wasn’t expecting you to participate in an event like this. Aren’t you usually one to stay in with the Rabebes?”

Of course she was dodging his question, but how could she tell him that her favourite thing was to see him squirm (in more ways than one). Frankly, she enjoyed his company more than she would ever let him know. Seeing him awkwardly pick at the tiny toothpicks impaled in the hors d’oeuvres was endearing, adorable even.

“Well well, it has been a while! Didn’t I ever mention? I’ve washed my hands of my previous… engagements, or so to say.” Anima said as she stabbed a cherry tomato with her fork, the seeds and juice spurting out, “Just a simple erotic novelist now, far better work hours and the royalties get the bills paid.”

Her plate was only half finished as the next course came out. Rather than eating, Anima was spending most of her time watching Dagasho. His little movements, the way he only just noticed his crooked bowtie and fixed it, the way a sweatdrop slowly trickled down his cheek and dripped off from his chin. 

“Can’t I just say that I wanted to celebrate a change in profession with my favourite ex-husband?”

Akata - Dagasho

“I—” Well… she wasn’t wrong, not at all. Dagasho’s face pulled into a pout as he moved the tomatoes into a line on his plate… totally elegant, baby. “… y’know… something something… on the papers it mentioned somethin’ about those benefits… and the food and all that.” He blew bubbles into his sparkling water with a red face… yeah, that’s the answer you were probably expecting, wasn’t it…

Dagasho did however, perk up at hearing about Anima’s engagements. “Ohh, really? Well I’ll say — bein’ your own boss’s got benefits… and ya get to do somethin’ relatively safe. That’s nice.” Hey, wasn’t she staring a bit too much? No no Sho… don’t think that. And you better not stare back either, that’s just rude. Let her stare if she wants. This suit from BunWill ain’t goin anywhere… at least, if Dagasho doesn’t make any sudden movements.

“Y’know this is certainly an odd way of celebrating it. During this month too? I’d have thought ya had yer work cut out for ya… what, with being an… ‘erotic novelist’ or what-sobeit. I guess those better work hours account for spendin’ time with yer ex-husband.”

He felt like he should say something else, but soon enough the next course was brought out. Oh boy… look at how fancy that steak was. Carefully Dagasho cut into it… and then suddenly came to a realization.

“Hey, actually, if ya knew it was me… why’d ya pick a place like this anyways? And why’d ya ask for me to dress up like this. If ya were gonna ask, ya could have at least… had me fitted or something. I don’t think my sizes have changed… much.” Taller? Probably not. Couldn’t exactly speak for anything else, though…

Keito - Anima

Anima slashed at her steak with near surgical precision, popping a small cube of meat in her mouth, and thoughtfully chewing. 

"There's nothing really that differs from any other month, honey" she said, tapping her fork at the plate, "I can't show my face to large crowds for public events anyways, no point in spending my vacation days working anyways, especially since I've been in a bit of a creative rut." 

It was true, Anima hadn't been able to finish her latest manuscript, much to her editor's dismay. Being able to write for the sake of writing was one thing, being able to write erotica in which the reader can feel the passion through her words was a whole different story. She hadn't had the time to go out to find some poor, unsuspecting person to suck the soul out of. Hell, even her favourite pet Sasara hadn't been able to help.

"Contrary to popular belief, I do enjoy spending time with you. I married you for a reason, didn't I?" Looking down, Anima frowned, realizing she had diced a chunk of her steak into impossibly small bits, "I knew I could always lure you out with the promise of food and money, and I happen to think you look quite dashing in a suit no matter how ill-fitting."

Anima would have rather had her teeth pulled out and a breast reduction than to admit that she was feeling a bit lonely as of late. How could she not? It is the season of love and seeing young buns coupling up to enjoy the festivities had reminded her of her youth.

Akata - Dagasho

How many courses were there? Nine? They’d brought out something that looked more tame than the meat, and Dagasho poked at it as he heard Anima out.

“Well, guess so… guess for us older buns, it’s business as usual.” He laughed at his own joke, ever so carefully popping the top button of his suit as he loosened his bowtie. At that point who cared, right? It helped with his… situation, so let it be. “Yeesh, sounds rough. Well… at least ya do know how ta lure me out… and I can’t really stop ya, so ya know what ta do if you’re in the mood to push my buttons.”

Admittedly, he couldn’t help but blush after being told he looked dashing in an ill-fitting suit. Was that some sort of back-handed compliment? Or… yeah, it seemed genuine enough. What’s up with you, girlie… get yerself a partner that can dress better, at least.

Dagasho didn’t know what else to say, really… Luckily at that moment, a large KABOOM sounded off outside, and just outside the big window there were beautiful sparkles abound.

“Huh. Not bad. The color balancing’s off ‘coz the red’s a bit… dull… but hey, lookie there. This organization thing even set up romantic fireworks… definitely not mine, but I guess I can give ‘em a point or two. Ahh, wait look there… that’s a piece of work if I’ve ever seen it; jeez, ya couldn’t think to use a properly bright pigment or anything like that?”

And just like he used to all those times before, the awkward air was cleared away by Dagasho’s sheer passion for the things he likes.

Keito - Anima

Anima let out a genuine laugh, something she hadn't done in a while. "My my, it's lovely to see that you're still such an academic when it comes to fireworks, dear." Although she couldn't tell the criticism that Dagasho had pointed out, they were still a beautiful sight. It was cute to see the other talk on and on about the fireworks he was all too passionate about, despite her having no clue what any of it meant.

How cheesy was this, forcing her ex-husband into a romantic dinner date and chatting about life? This could be the plot of her new book, she mused. Slow-burn, divorcees, romantic dinners, and fireworks? Not her usual style of writing, with her novels being centered around fast-paced, passionate, provocative romances, but could be an interesting change of pace. Anima made a mental note to send an autographed copy to Dagasho once she gets around to writing it.

"Well now, I do hope that this dinner date with me wasn't too excruciating of an experience," she said, as the waitstaff set the desserts around the table. "Aren't you lucky to be able to score a meal and those income benefits?"

For Anima, she could count this date as a success. An outing with Dagasho had really brightened her spirits and she was able to lure him into spending time with her again.

"Hmm hmm, I had a good time with you today. We should do this again sometime, dear" Anima gave Dagasho a wink and an uncharacteristically big smile, "By the way, that isn't a request, that's a demand ♡"

Akata - Dagasho

And he went on, and on, and on and on about fireworks… and yeah, now dessert was being served and the “date” was almost over… huh. It wasn’t like pulling teeth in the end! Dagasho carefully bit into the fancy cheesecake as he heard Anima laugh… once a bombshell, always an explosion as they say… or do they. Ehh, fuck it.

“… y’know, maybe I am lucky.” Dagasho felt the corner of his mouth pull up in one of his trademark grins. “At least I can take off this here bowtie without it bein’ awkward… and of course, the food and the tax benefits. Did ya know my credit score’s in the 650’s now? I’d say I’ve been makin’ great improvements!” And it seems he’s quite proud of that achievement.

Dagasho took that final bite of cheesecake, put his fork down, then looked out the window. Back to cup ramen after this… haah, what a life. “Again? Ehh, well…” He gulped. “Well yeah, sure… maybe without all this extra date service hassle or whatever. And maybe next time I don’t gotta wear a suit.”

That wasn’t gonna do any convincing, now, was it?

Haah.

But really, Dagasho wouldn’t say no to another fancy dinner in any capacity… as long as he isn’t paying.